[Anonymous]

so i don’t know what to do. i’m 21 years old, and i’ve been hooking up with the same person off and on over the course of 7 years. we even lost our virginity to eachother. go figure, he met and started dating someone else who he became pretty serious with..and i was heartbroken. of course i’ve had relationships also over the course of 7 years..but i’ve never even felt remotely close to the way i feel about him. he would even cheat on his girlfriend with me..which of course i regret. i eventually told her about it hoping he would stay away from me and so i can move on but it never happens. he always ends up coming back to me. he’s told me he loves me..and he knows i love him also. he takes advantage of the fact that i love him so much. since april, he has not been with the girl nor has he been talking to her. he’s mainly been talking to me..but i found out about a couple other girls he seems to have hooked up with along the way. of course he tells me he didn’t..and he reminds me that he just got out of a long relationship with his ex and doesn’t want to start a new one right now. he was confused about my frusturations with him..and i explained to him i don’t necessarily know if i want a relationship with him either after the way he’s treated me for so many years..and that i just respect my body and don’t want to have sex with him if he’s having sex with other people. when we do talk..it’s like he only wants to hang out when he wants to..if i text him he rarely ever responds or comes to see me. but at the same time..he’s mentioned having kids with me before, and also moving to where i’m moving to go to school next summer because he said he doesn’t want to be away from me. anyway..my point is..what should i do? i’ve cried to him before..he know how much he confuses me and hurts me..part of me wants to leave so badly, but at the same time i just want him and no one else. help!

[Ask April Masini]

I know you want him exclusively, but the reality is he’s shown you so very clearly that he doesn’t want a mutually exclusive relationship with you. 😳 As long as you’ve allowed this seven year sporadic hook up relationship to exist, you’ve shown him with your behavior that you’re going to be there for him over and over on his terms. Your crying to him and requesting exclusivity with him and demanding it and asking for it and telling him you want it — don’t mean a thing to him and he’s showing you this with his behavior.

Until one of you changes your behavior, this cycle will continue. You have no control over him, but you do have complete control over yourself, so my suggestion is that YOU find the strength to do things differently and stop hooking up with him. I know that you have a lot of feelings for him because he was your first, but it’s time, at age 21, to move on and allow yourself a boyfriend who isn’t sleeping with other women and cheating on you or on them. You are the only one who can give this to yourself by setting up boundaries for yourself and standards for the men you date.

I hope you’re up to the task because if you continue on this path with him, you’re just going to waste time. I hope that you feel that you’re worth the energy and work to invest in a relationship that is just for you. 😀

Let me know if that helps and how things go. And please join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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