[Anonymous]

Okay, here it goes. I have this guy that I have known for my whole life.. pretty much since we were in diapers. As we were growing up, we did the whole first kiss thing and hung around each other all the time. It wasn’t until we were in middle school I realized that what I felt for him was more then just a friendship. Needless to say we never dated but we were always flirty and always joked about what it would be like if we were to get together.
For the past 4 years we haven’t really spoken to each other and just recently we have gotten back into contact.. he’s now engaged and I am now married. Both of our relationships are extremely complicated, like my husband asked me for a divorce and his financ’ee is rethinking getting married. So ever since we started to hang out again, it’s been nothing but flirty and intense touchy. Never the less, we hooked up about about a month ago. I know that must make me sound like a horrible person! I’m normally not like that and haven’t cheated before.
Ever since we did hook up, we have been acting like a real couple. He even asked me to be his girlfriend. He says he’ll wait for me if my marriage doesn’t work out and I have told him the same about his engagement.. (again, that must make me sound like a horrible person!) In one way, I do regret taking things that far.. but in the other way, I don’t because I have known him for so long and trust him. I don’t know what to do because of course I love my husband, but I have loved this guy for 21 years..
I am insanely confused because all I seem to do now is think about this guy and I don’t know if it’s because I have wanted to be with him my whole life and now that this situation is here, I feel like I should take advantage of it or just completely end things in that way because we both have significant others and is it really worth it to end our relationships over this..? I just need an honest opinion, I don’t want to lose my friendship with this person because he is important to me regardless of what happened.. but I also don’t want to lose my marriage.. even when we are working on things..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This isn’t that complicated. First of all — hello! — you’re married. 😯 You said that your husband asked you for a divorce, but you seem to still be married, so decide if you want to stay married or not and either work on your marriage and stay in that relationship or get divorced at which time you’ll be ready to date.

Second of all, the guy you hooked up with is engaged to someone! 😮 So, if and when you do end your marriage and are then ready to date, pick someone who’s actually available! 😕 I understand you have a teenage past romance with him, but you’re not a teenager in middle school anymore. You’re a married woman, and he’s not available. 😳 If he’s asking you to be his girlfriend [i]on the side[/i], while another woman has his ring on her finger and a date to walk down the aisle with him, you’re making a mess by dating a man who isn’t available to you.

So, decide on your own marriage first, and then if you’re available to date — and he is, too, you can pursue this. Otherwise, it’s not horrible timing at all! It’s a situation where two people who are committed to others are cheating. Pretty simple really…. 🙄

I hope that helps.

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[Member]

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