[Hayster]

I’ve been with him for 2 years and he still won’t open up to me. It’s nice to hear “I love you” but I want to know why. I’ve asked him for a love letter or list of things he loves about me but he never does it. He’s the only guy I ever want and want to marry him one day but I can’t see that happening if I never find out how he really feels about me. I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m not good enough for him. What can I do to get him to express his feelings to me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[Hayster]

Im 23, he’s 22.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for filling me in on your ages. That helps me help you. 🙂

First, you have to understand that men aren’t always as effusive with their feelings as women would like them to be, and the way he behaves and how he treats you and acts around you, in the long run, is MUCH more important than what he says or writes. So if you’re wondering how he feels about you, a love letter is not going to give you the answer to that question. His behavior will.

That said, there’s nothing wrong with you wanting more romance — including love letters. But asking him or pressuring him for them isn’t the way to get what you want. Guys want to feel like they came up with their best, winning (you) behavior on their own, and that you really appreciate them for that. So you’ll get more results with honey, than vinegar. So curb your criticism, and change your tactics. 😉

Make it your job to [i]inspire[/i] him to write you love letters. Chances are that after two years together, you’re both pretty comfortable and possibly set in your ways, creating a rut. This is a normal part of any relationship, whether it’s dating or marriage. It takes one of you to get the ball rolling and get out of that rut. Hopefully, the other person will catch on and get involved in that process, but if and when he does, may take time. So what you can do is to change your own behavior to make him feel that he’s got someone he wants to write about. That may be showing your own appreciation of him more (which probably sounds counterintuitive) with compliments, little love notes, gifts, setting up great dates, etc. In fact, those are great places for you to start.

I hope that helps.

Let me know how things go. 🙂

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[sunny Khalid]

hi!
m sorry m posting it here. m unable to post my question. 🙁 well you please guide me ❓

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Go to the Relationship Forums main page and click on the link in the top left corner that says “New Topic” and you can start a new thread of posts for yourself there. 🙂

[Hayster]

Thanks for that advice.

for the past year and a half I’ve been giving him gifts on special occasions that always include love notes etv. I’ve given him a book of love notes that included a letter, a list of 50 things I love about him, basiclly I use special occasions to let him know how much he means to me. I never get that kind of love returned though. He gets miserable that I’ve given him a better gift, but he never takes my advice on the gifts I want.

I’m kind of feeling like my love needs aren’t being met. I’ve talked to him about love languages before and that mine seems to be words of affirmation, all he ever says is “I love you”, but I need more than that to feel loved.

He’s told me a few times that he had a romantic side when he was at school but he got rejected a few too many times that he just locked it away. He said he’ll become that guy again one day, but it’s been a little over 2 years, how can I encourage him to be that romantic guy again?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The more you write, the more it sounds like your problem is deeper than you just wanting a love letter, and it has more to do with you than it does with him. 😉 I don’t know what you mean when you write about “love language”, but I do understand that you say that you need more than he’s giving you to feel loved. The question is how much more? And if he doesn’t give you a list or a letter, is that a deal breaker? If he’s been monogamous and tells you he loves you, and you’re sure you want to marry him — then what is it, really, that is missing for you?

Like I said before — a man’s behavior is more important than his words, and if he’s acting like he loves you, which it sounds like he is, why wouldn’t you just accept that? That’s not an academic question, by the way — I really would love to know your answer. 🙂

Hope that helps you!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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