[stephie27]

I am a 20year old girl and have had several boyfriends till now. but never been in love with any of those guys. i had been in love with a guy for 6 long years but we were great friends and when i told him about my feelings he told me that he didnt feel that way about me,but there were times when i had hope coz of the way he behaved with me but i was still happy just to b close to him but when he got a girlfriend, he stopped contacting me totally. i was terribly hurt. n i believe i basically hate guys unknowingly n thats y i have broken the hearts of all my boyfriends.
but i want to have a loving relationship and b happy and stable in life. i met this guy last month out of the blue, our families knew each other but we never spoke much since he was an extremely shy guy. but this time i guess he managed to get the courage to approach me. we exchanged numbers and used to chat a lot, even online way into the night. we vibed very well with each other and he has never had a girlfriend. he is 25 and lives 500 miles away. for the first month we kept in touch almost all the time. i even visited him at the place where he lives and he took me out despite his busy schedule. we had a great time together. he even gifted me an expensive perfume. he always used to hint at his feelings for me though he never got the courage to say it openly. i have fallen in love with this guy deeply. but from the last 10 days, we barely keep in touch anymore. whenever i message him, he says he couldnt keep in touch coz he is extremely busy with work. but i cant stop thinkin about him these days. i wonder if he still feels the same about me? i wonder if he is actually in love with me or did i just misread his signals! im unable to concentrate on anything and just wait to hear from him and he never calls or messages these days unless i do!
please help!

P.S. but on valentines day, despite the fact that he was travelling, he kept messaging me the whole day and made me feel special. but the minute it turned monday, i didnt hear from him at all!

[Ask April Masini]

Love can be distracting, can’t it? 😆

You are very sensitive and your feelings take up a lot of your time. That has nothing to do with who you’re dating or not dating — it’s just who you are, so knowing that, you need to be careful that you don’t become obsessive or waste another six years on a man who isn’t really interested in dating you. You also need to be careful to make sure you have a reality check going on since it would be easy for you to get so hurt that you decide you hate all men. The truth is probably closer to: you were hurt by one or two or even three guys, and have decided to prejudice yourself against all men. 😕 Bad idea.

It sounds from what you describe that this new guy truly does like you, but that there are a couple of compatibility issues that have to do with his busy schedule and the distance between the two of you. I’d advise you to remember that these compatibility issues are not personal. But….if you don’t factor them into the relationship and the amount of energy and time you’re going to invest, you’re going to become unhappy.

Sometimes this guy just can’t text you — because his schedule doesn’t allow for it, and other times, he can’t date you weekly or more because of the real distance between the two of you. It’s for this reason that I think you should enjoy the relationship, but continue to allow yourself to look elsewhere for Mr. Right. Long distance relationships (which this one counts as), are tough to maintain under the best of circumstances. I think for you, it’s not going to work in the long term.

So, short of moving to his town, which is premature after dating only one month, I think you should reconsider your question, “How do I get this guy?” and ask a different question, “Is this guy one I should be serious about?” and the answer is (at the risk of sounding like a Magic Eight Ball) — too soon to tell, but probably not because of the distance between you.

[stephie27]

Thanks April!
I completely agree with you, coz i’ve had boyfriends who were wonderful guys but i was just incapable of loving them back because of the hurt that someone else had caused to me.
just to inform you about the progress, he did contact me this week again like on every alternate day and would apologise. i didnt show him that i bothered much. just laughed it out. And i know that this obsession that I have will die after a point of time, thats just the way i am. About moving to his town, I’m not doing it for him, I’ll be joining college in his current city in June. Actually thats the reason we got a lot closer coz he had helped me out a lot with regard to getting into that college and so did his parents, who are extremely fond of me. i guess thats the reason i started dreaming of a future with him.
So i’m hoping once I’m in his city, he might, profess his feelings for me, if i’m still interested in him and vice versa since i know he’s extremely shy and is taking a lot of time on this one.
but i need your advice on how do i manage till then! how do i stay happy and also not chase him off?
Please Help!

P.S. He’ll be visiting me in April! 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

You need to learn to be more honest. Instead of laughing things off when laughter is not the real emotion you’re feeling, express the true emotion. I’m not saying you have to act on every feeling you have, but don’t deceive yourself and others by holding back your hurt or your elation — or whatever feeling you have.

The more honest you can be with yourself and others, the more you can heal your old hurts and be able to move on without all that scarring to hold you back.

I hope that helps! 🙂

[Author]

Posts