[ghostphantom16]

My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 3 and a half years and we broke up about a year ago. We’ve both been with other people since but not a day went by where I didn’t think about her. I actually ended up dating a girl out of spite in a way because of how well she seemed to be doing after the break up. I haven’t legitimately spoken to her since she called me back in October telling me she missed me but I was about to begin a relationship with this new girl so I shut her down. Now I am single again but the problem is she has a boyfriend who she seems to be happy with. Although, she is in a long distance relationship with this new guy which makes me feel as if it would not be a huge deal if I contacted her. My goal is to contact her and reconnect in some sort of way, even if it is to a certain extent. But I have no idea what to say to her after she had expressed some hatred towards me after she had gotten into her new relationship the same way I expressed hatred towards her when I had a new relationship. Truth is I could never hate her and I really want to be able to speak to her again. I just need to know how to go about talking to her again and I want to know what the right thing to say would be.

[AskApril Masini]

How old are you both, and why did you break up?

[ghostphantom16]

we are both 19 and initially we broke up because I wasn’t able to get over my social anxiety and she couldn’t handle me not being able to speak in public or hold a conversation with her family. I’ve spent the past year progressing with that particular issue. I was also her first boyfriend so when we went away to college she wanted to be with other people. Neither of us go to school too far away from home and now that she has a new boyfriend her second reason for breaking up with me doesn’t seem to be prominent anymore since she has settled down once again. I should also add that we had discussed getting back together in October but I had some anger towards her for moving on so quickly so I decided to punish her in a way.

[AskApril Masini]

Got it — so this was your first real girlfriend. You dated from ages 16 to 19, and broke up a year ago — but you’re still thinking about her. My advice is to figure out what you want before you contact her. If you want to date her again, then be clear on that. If you want to go out and see how things go, then be clear on that. Or if you just want to catch up, without any romantic entanglements, be clear on that. In other words, set your intentions so you’re not confused, confusing and disappointed. 😉

When you know what you want, you can decide what route to take. For instance, if you want to get back together with her, then you should make a clear gesture, like calling her up and asking her to go to the movies and for ice cream together on a Saturday night. Make it clear that this is a date. 😉

Hope that helps!

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