[Espero]

Hi,

I’ve recently found myself in a bit of a conundrum. My girlfriend of two and a bit years, whom I was very close to, decided she wanted to take a break from our relationship and broke things off. We didn’t talk for a bit afterwards, and though I was hurt moved on and began dating again. Two months ago we began talking and the chemistry that we used to have seemed to rush back in. We talked for hours and she mentioned that she wants to get back together. Now, I am stuck and feel like a complete a**hole. I began dating a new woman, who is quite magnificent in her own right, but here I am falling for my ex. I don’t know how to get myself out of this entanglement. That’s my problem in a nutshell. It probably reads like I should just give up on my ex, but for some reason I just don’t quite want to do that. Your advice is appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same situation. Except I was the one who ended things with my boyfriend and began seeing a great guy. 2 months later, I found myself texting my ex, saying how much I loved and missed him while I was cuddling with new boy. That was my red flag. Once I started talking to my ex and things felt like they were starting back up, I immediately broke it off with new boy and slowly went back with the ex. I do not regret my decision whatsoever. However, I must tell you, getting back together is HARD. Harder than the relationship you had before. But if your heart is telling you to that you love her, go for it! And with new girl, don’t feel bad because she deserves a guy who is dedicated to her and wouldn’t even question going back to his ex. Also, I don’t know your situation and what you ex did to you, but I know I am thankful everyday that my ex took me back, because I realized that I was making a huge mistake by not being with him. But if you do want the ex back, definitely end it right away with new girl and take it slow when getting back with the ex and feel things out first. Good luck!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The big piece of information missing is why your ex-girlfriend broke up with you. If she had a legitimate reason and that reason no longer exists because one of you has worked through whatever was bothering her, then this might be a good time to get back together with her. If, however, she’s just tired of being single, and you’re the most comfortable (and convenient) way to relieve her of her loneliness, you may just find yourself in the same break up position you were when she left you before too long. So know why she broke up with you and decide if that situation is in your past for good.

You don’t have to feel like a cad because you’re just dating. You’re not engaged or married. Dating is a process and your new girlfriend won’t want to be with you if she knows you’re thinking about another woman. You’re getting to know her, and if someone else comes along you’d rather be with — whether it’s your ex or someone new — it’s a good thing for you to make a decision who you want to date. Believe me, every woman wants to be THE one her man wants more than anyone. Dating is a way to figure out if a woman is that one. Try not to look at your situation as a dilemma as much as it is an opportunity to better know yourself and who you want in your life.

I hope that helps! Let me know how things go, and please join me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Espero]

Hey,

So, over the last few months I did end up doing what was suggested to me here. At first, I thought that I should stay locked where I was; I feared that it would be too much of a gamble going back. As it turns out, being apart helped our relationship out a ton. Our relationship feel apart because of insufficient communication and lack of understanding where the other one was. A few months before, we had been through a rough hill with medical troubles and it seemed to put us on different sides when it was done with.

It turns out having time apart aloud us to both see what we needed and communicate it. It’s why I felt right back in place with her. We used to have arguments that could take weeks to resolve, now we get through rough patches in a day when they arise. I’ve never felt closer to her, so things turned out well. I broke it off, with my new ex a few months ago and was surprised to see that she was totally fine with it, our relationship was sliding as it was. And it became clear that where my head was, put her in an unfair position.

Thanks for your advice, I doubted but ultimately it was the decision that worked for me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! I’m glad things are going so nicely for you. 😀

[Member]

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