[snowbear]

Hi,

This is my first post…I’ve been searching for advice online and found this forum. I really appreciate any advice you can offer me!

So here is my story. I recently reconnected with a friend from college while visiting some family in NYC, where she lives. We were more like acquaintances in college, and didn’t keep in touch after our second year. But we are friends on FB. That was about 6 years ago, the last time we saw each other. I knew from a mutual friend at the time that she had some interest in me, and I had A LOT of interest in her. But, we both ended up with other people and never connected.

So, I never really stopped thinking about her, and from time to time I have checked up on her FB. So, I wrote her out of the blue when I visited nyc a couple weeks ago and asked if she would like to meet for a drink. We did, and ended up having an amazing night together. A few hours after meeting I could tell things were going well, she was very flirty and touchy etc., giving all the signs. We spent the night together and it was amazing. Most importantly we connected on a bunch of levels and the conversation never stopped and we have an enormous amount in common.

I’m REALLY interested in her. I want to keep the connection alive, but we literally live on complete opposite sides of the country. The advice i’m seeking is, first of all, how to gauge her interest level in me. Then, how to keep her interest level in me high and perhaps even raise it without coming across as desperate or creepy or clingy etc.

Here is some more info I think is important:

She got out of a 3 year relationship 4 months prior to our night together.
She’s a major catch, beautiful, intelligent and very creative, and she lives in nyc, so I don’t have any illusions about what i’m up against.
Despite the above, I’ve known two guys she dated and she was way out of their league, she’s humble and really sweet, in other words she isn’ t the female player type, but surely she knows what she’s got.
One thing that stood out to me was at the end of the night she asked me “so when are you coming out to new york again?” and I said I usually come out once a year to visit my family, and she said, “ok I guess I’ll see you then.” She expressed some interest in coming out to my side of the country, and said she would definitely be in touch if she did.

My take on the situation is this: She is relatively fresh out of a relationship, and this guy from her past (me) randomly wandered into her life, presenting the perfect opportunity to have some fun and ‘be single’. Her interest level in me is way above the normal but not as high as mine. I need to find a way to play it cool but also maintain a connection with her, and gauge how interested she is. The goal is really just to keep her interested until our paths cross again. Unless, I get the impression that she is interested enough to actually plan a way to see each other again (which is what I really want!).

I’m wondering:
Should I interact with her facebook page? For example, comment on her status updates, photos, and/or try to chat with her?
Should I text her from time to time? One of the last things she said to me, after I told her I was glad we reconnected, was “well, you have my number…”

Finally, my plan is this: Her birthday is coming up in a couple months. I was planning on not contacting her at all in the meantime, and then sending her a handmade card for her birthday, with a nice message but nothing sappy. Just let her know how much I enjoyed reconnecting with her and I hope she is doing great, etc. The problem is that I don’t have her address! But there are ways to track it down, although they all border on being a bit stalker-ish. But it seems like the best plan to me! Back in the day I was also friends with her best friend. I could request on facebook to be friends with her and ask her for the address, but then she will see that we became friends and that could be kinda weird. Plus her friend could react strangely and just tell her.

I need advice! I feel so strongly about this girl, and I can’t stop thinking about her. It seems like fate that our paths crossed again, especially the timing. She was super elated the whole night and said multiple times how strange it was that I contacted her at such a good time, and how happy she was that I did. It’s been about 3 weeks, and I haven’t contacted her since. What should I do?

Thanks so much for reading and any advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to start up a long distance relationship, you have to plan to visit her again, for starters. And, you have to woo her long distance. Instead of a handmade birthday card with no contact between now and her birthday, my advice is the opposite: A dozen roses to show how much you care and that you’re competitive with anyone else who may be interested in her, and good communication that isn’t clingy or needy.

You can read Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], to get a lot more detailed advice.

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