[Scarlet]

Last night I went on a first date with a new guy. I’d like to see him again and hope that there is some potential for a relationship, but he sent me a confusing email this morning. How should I respond? I’m going to paste the text of the email in so that you can tell me what you think. Thanks!!

[i]Just following up to say thanks for last night. It was good to get out for a change.

I have to admit I’m way out of practice on the single scene. The immensely tiny part of my brain that is allocated to making decisions on social issues was way overloaded. I kept hearing myself think things like “hold her hand you ninny”, “put your arm around her”, ” take your heavily muscled Mr. Atlas arm, firmly wrap it around her tiny supermodel waist, gently pull her pelvis into you and plant a smootch on her until she transforms into a quivering ball of enfatuated she-flesh”. Yeah, thats my brain all right. Trying to imitate a romance novel. It’s too bad they don’t have brain tune-ups. I could use one.

We never did talk about the “what are you looking for in a relationship” issue. I’ve been in a few in the past and now I’m twice shy as they say. Couldn’t help but notice there are a few things that don’t mesh between us but I still find myself feeling kind of fond of you.

If it’s O.K. with you, I’d like to keep in touch. Since we are both pretty busy though, it looks like we will probably cross paths only rarely. I’m OK with that if you are.

In the meantime, I need to figure out where “quivering ball of she-flesh” came from. Seriously, who thinks like that? [/i]

Thanks again!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re right. His e-mail was written by someone who’s insecure and uncertain — of his feelings for you and for his feelings about dating in general. My advice is to give him something to chase after. He’s given you a hint that he finds you attractive in his “she-flesh” comment. Play on that and flirt back with him. Make it brief. Don’t commit to anything, but do give him a flirtatious comment that will make him keep you in his head until he HAS to ask you out for another date. 😎

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[Scarlet]

Hey thanks – what should I say?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Here’s what you should use to guide you in writing:

[quote]….flirt back with him. Make it brief. Don’t commit to anything, but do give him a flirtatious comment that will make him keep you in his head until he HAS to ask you out for another date…. [/quote]

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[Scarlet]

New guy and I have a second date scheduled for a concert in a few weeks. In the meantime, however, he sent me an email this morning inviting me out for dinner and a movie tonight. He apologized for the last minute nature if the invitation, saying he thought he’d have his son this weekend, but just found out that he’s sick. He also added tomorrow afternoon as an option.

My sister says decline tonight and accept tomorrow. Tomorrow is difficult but tonight is not. I asked her about saying my daughter got a last minute sleepover invite -she says no.

What do you think I should do? This is the same guy with the strange after first date email.

Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating a single parent is different — and more complicated — than dating someone single. So while you have to remember not to be too available — because you’re definitely more attractive to him if he has to chase after you — you also have to weigh your options around his custody schedule. If he’s suddenly got a free night because his son isn’t with him, then it’s not as bad as if a guy with all the time in the world and no obligations, invited you out the same night because you’re a default date, or some other date cancelled on him and you’re always “there”. Different rules apply with single parents. Since it’s better for you tonight, and this is the first time he’s done this, and you do have a date in the future as well, I think it’s okay for you to go out with him tonight — but if this becomes a habit and you sense he’s taking you for granted, it may be because you’re too available.

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