[muchomucho999]

When me and my husband first met and up until we got married, we were both pretty slim.

We recently got married, and since then, my husband has gained about 80 pounds. at first I didn’t mind, but now, I feel like I am not physically attracted to him even though I still love him.

I workout everyday, and eat healthy. I cook healthy meals and don’t make too much, because if I do, he’ll have 3 or 4 plates. I don’t keep junk food in the house, but he goes and buys it, and keeps it in his car, and eats fast food for lunch even if I make him something to take to work. I ask him to go for walks with me, play sports, ect, but he says he’s always too tired.

He does not have some medical condition causing weight gain, he just won’t eat healthy and he doesn’t get any exercise. I’ve tried to talk to him about it gently, but he gets really defensive.

It’s gotten to the point where he gets winded walking up the stairs, I worry about his health, and I feel like a bad wife for not being attracted to him.

He’s very stubborn about living how he wants to live, What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you have to accept his decision to be unhealthy. 🙁 You can’t make someone get healthy — you can ask them to; you can suggest certain things; you can invite them to join you in healthy behavior — all of which you have done. But it seems that he’s being selfish and uninterested in your concerns. 😳 Sadly, you have to stop trying to change him. You can be disappointed, but you can’t make him do what he’s stubbornly refusing to do.

If he’s suddenly gotten heavy, there may be something he’s reacting to psychologically. You didn’t mention how long you dated during which time he was slim, or how many months it took him to gain 80 pounds or if his family is heavy and weight gain is genetic for him. All of these things are important.

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