[LovePurple709]

I am in love with my Professor. I am 24, he is 32. He taught me for a year during my college and we have been in touch since then. He has been with me through very rough times, always helping me get through everything. As a teacher he was very strict and intimidating, but even then he was caring for me in his own way. None of the others he taught have seen that side of him (even he acknowledges that much). Now, since we don’t need to be in the teacher-student mode, he is more open. He says I am a special, unlike others he has taught. He likes to stay involved in my life and at times when it gets too much for me to hide the fact that I love him, I try to go away and yet he manages to make me stay. He doesn’t want my goodbyes. He keeps asking me to tell him what’s bothering me but I just haven’t gathered the coutage up till now to risk it all. But at times, I cross an invisible boundary and I get angry and unknowingly hurt him and he gets uncertain and uncomfortable. I do not understand whether he still thinks of me as his student or there is a possibility of something more. I just want to tell him once what he means to me. I expect a reprimand but it is getting difficult to not to say anything. I might lose him forever. I really wish to know if what I want to do is the right thing. How can I tell him? I have tried to think of dating other guys, guys my age and others. But my Professor is the only one I have ever wanted.

[AskApril Masini]

Men and women can’t be friends. And since he’s no longer your professor (I believe you said he taught you for a year, and your’e no longer in his class), the relationship has changed and you’re having trouble defining it. You’re not dating. You’re not professor/student. You’re something else — and you’re having trouble with what it is.

My advice is to be clear with yourself first. If you want to date him, then you have to act like you want to date him — and not as if you’re still his protege or his friend. This will be a little tough for you because you can’t treat him like a friend any more, and you’re going to have to be the one to make the changes. If you need to, you can tell him that you don’t want to be his friend because that’s not working for you any more. But more importantly, be clear in your own head and in your behavior.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Member]

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