[zalametemba]

I have been talking to this guy for about 3 weeks now. I think he is really cute but physically he is way too skinner than me

I love talking to him and i can tell he likes it but he says he is attracted to me but his exes are nothing like me. I am way younger, and black and i have more meat on me than his exes. His exes are the total opposite of me.

he has a lil boy too.

im shy to go on dates or to hang out with him because i know he is not used to being with girls like me. and it is embarassing for me. i dont rly kno what to tell him. i dont want to miss out on a great story becauce of this.

the first time we met i was 10 pound lighter and he had a crush on me for 6 months now that we are seing each other again 6 month later and that i gained weight i do not know if we are a good match.

he tells me that he thinks i am sexy and that he loves my curves and shape but yet when we started talking he told me that the reason why he dates white girls is because most black woman are unhealthy, overweighed, fat or ugly.
and i cant get that out of my head each time that i think of seeing him.
i have been canceling on him each time we make plans to go out because of that and im sure he does not even know that.
what should I do? talk about it to him ? ignore my weight ? he never really looked at me with close fitted clothes on.
i am on a diet but im doing it for me not him. i need advices

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He said something that was a prejudiced remark and it’s bothering you. His statement: [quote]he told me that the reason why he dates white girls is because most black woman are unhealthy, overweighed, fat or ugly.[/quote] was insensitive, racist and hurtful. Instead of trying to brush it under the rug, bring it up. Tell him how hurt you were by the comment.

Racism isn’t something you should turn your back on. You need to communicate the hurt it causes and help educate this guy. If it turns out he really is racist to the core, then walk away. But if he’s willing to listen to you, reconsider what he said, and change the way he thinks and behaves, he may be a guy who needed his eyes opened. Sometimes people don’t realize that their remarks are cutting and you have a responsibility to let them know what they’ve done.

I think that your appearance is less the issue here, then his racism. Find out if he’s willing to change or not.

Let me know how it goes.

In the meantime, please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[zalametemba]

oh I dont know if I can do that. He is black himself and I dont think he is racist I just think he prefers non fat women and most black girls he knows are overweighted. I mean he has a 5 year old boy from a 5 year relationship with a black woman.

I do not know how to bring the subject up. I just really need to know that he is more than ok with the way i look because if the attraction is not reciproced i do not think we can be together. And if it is the case…….how to I go from talking to him everyday to not talking at all without picking a fight or making things awkard ?? because like i say we really get along well…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hope you’re right that he’s not racist. Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he can’t be racist against black women (it happens!). But let’s assume that you’re right on that one. 🙂

It sounds like he’s telling you he’s attracted to you, but you’re judging him on his past relationships, not the present. My advice is to date him — I assume he’s asked out out — and see if there’s chemistry between the two of you. If you feel overweight, it’s good to take care of that extra poundage — you’ll feel a lot more confident if you think you look good!

Lots of times men have a type, but there are instances where their type changes. We can all look back and see changes in the types of people we dated in high school, early twenties and so on.

Face your fear and see if there’s a spark when you start dating him. If there isn’t, it’s not that hard to move on — and if there is, then you’re in a good position! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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