[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I met my boyfriend about 10 moths ago. He is much older then me. I am 28 and he is 43. When I met him I thought he was the greatest man ever. We went out a lot together. He couldn’t keep his hands off of me. We were really passionate about each other. He stayed over almost every night. He is really good to my daughter too.
After 5 months of our relationship he started having serious financial issues. He lost his business, he is in a lot of dept and he is trying to save his house. He went from making 150k a year to almost nothing.
In the middle of all this his attitude towards me started changing. When we are together he usually is very tired and just sits on a couch and stares at a TV until he falls asleep. He doesn’t want to go out anymore. He doesn’t give me the attention that he used to give me before. We went from having sex every day to once a week. He tells me that he loves me but he seems like he has no life or happiness any more. I have told him a few times now that I feel that he is being distant but he says that he is in a lot of stress and that he is depressed and tired. I know that it’s hard for him to loose everything all at once at that age but still. I don’t know if he has fallen out of love or if that’s really his financial situation that is draining him like that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Listen to your boyfriend: He’s telling you the truth. He’s depressed and he’s in transition having suffered a terrible financial blow. He’s also not alone — and neither are you. His behavior is very normal considering the circumstances. In fact, if he wasn’t behaving the way he is now, he wouldn’t be normal.

Your job is to be understanding, empathetic, and to not add to his stress. I know this isn’t the boyfriend you signed up for, but in relationships things like this happen. Financial stress, health problems, death, children (healthy and otherwise — they’re still difficult on relationships) and all kinds of other issues I haven’t mentioned here. “For better or for worse,” is not just a cliche in a marriage vow. It’s a warning and a promise that you choose to be with someone no matter what happens. You’re getting good practice here! 😆

You’re not married and you don’t have to stay with him, but I suggest that you tough it out if he’s as great as you say he is. This could happen to any man at any time. Focus on living your life healthfully and hopefully some of that will rub off on him. Suggest he see a doctor and watch to make sure he doesn’t continue to spiral down without a bottom. Financial loss is a big blow to self esteem for men, especially, since it’s how they define themselves, and he was successful.

I hope this helps.

[Member]

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