[starry45]

I met a guy at grad school, we exchanged numbers, and he started texting me daily. We went on 1 date, and things were going great. Unfortunately, then my ex showed up at my apt, wanting to get back together. I was stressed and made the dumb decision of mentioning the situation to the new guy. A horrible mistake, I know. Understandably, he backed off and told me he didn’t want to be involved, and that he didn’t want to be a factor in my decision. From that point, I would text him occasionally but he would sometimes not respond for hours, and sometimes not respond at all. He would rarely text me first, and his responses were usually short and didn’t seem to encourage further conversation. He then invited me out with him and his friend one night, but was very distant the whole evening (admittedly, I was a little quiet myself because I was unsure where his head was at). When I texted him the next day, he never answered. I was bothered by it, so I confronted him a week later on campus about what happened. He said “I don’t know. I feel like you have a wall up because of your ex.” When I asked why he had invited me out then, he said “I just invited you out as a friend, just something to do. That’s all.” I told him I wasn’t interested in my ex, and that I was a little shy, so maybe that’s what he thought my “wall” was about. He said “Well I’m really not looking for anything right now, and I think maybe that’s where you’re at too right now.” I said ok, and that it was fine and dropped it.

We stopped communicating outside of campus completely. However, he was still friendly when I saw him on campus and I would very frequently catch him watching me and turning back to look at me even while seated with his back towards me. Two months have passed since that conversation without any off-campus communication. Then on Saturday around 8pm, he sent me a text asking how I was doing. I told him I was at a movie. He asked who I was with, and what I saw. He continued to text with me until about 2am, when I said I was going to bed. He was very nice the entire time. On Monday, I thought I’d text him. Again, he was very nice, responsive, funny, and we continued to text until I said I was going to bed at midnight.

Thursday was the last day of our semester, and around 8pm he texted to say congrats. We both had plans to celebrate with our own group of friends later that night. He continued to text me throughout the night. When he asked how I was celebrating, I told him I was at a club with my friends. He said “That’s a nice way to celebrate. Are all the guys hitting on you?.” I told him no, that I wasn’t really into meeting guys at clubs, and that I was “on my best behavior and just dancing with friends.” He laughed, and continued to text me until 3am, when I said I was going to bed again.

On Sunday, I texted him around 8pm and again, he was very nice, responsive, and funny. He asked what I had been up to, and told me what he was doing as well. He’s an artist, and mentioned he was working on a painting. When I asked him to send a picture, he said he was having an art show in a couple weeks and that he would let me know about it, and that I could see it then. I said great, and that I would definitely be there.

It is now Wednesday, and I haven’t heard from him. He used to text daily, so I’m a little lost because one minute I feel that his actions show interest, and other times I feel that he’s either confused, unsure, or just being nice.He seems to be the type who is uncomfortable discussing emotions and this topic in general, so I am afraid to bring it up again and scare him off. I’m also hesitant to take initiative and ask him to go out, because I don’t want him to think I’m pushing things too much, and because I’m not even sure what he wants at this point. He seems like an overall great guy, but possibly not very experienced with relationships. Do you have any advice?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The way to know if a guy is interested in you is if he asks you out on a date! It’s really that simple! And…. if you chase him or push him — by texting him first, or being too available, you take away the opportunity for him to chase you and win you over! 😉 That’s what guys love — finding a woman they want to date, who’s a little out of their reach, but could be interested in them, and chasing her down and finally winning her over. So instead of being so assertive and so available, flirt with him, and be less available. Let him know you’re interested without spelling it out for him, by flirting with him — and don’t be so available so he feels like he has to chase you to get you to go out with him! 😎 And when he asks you out on a date you’ll know he’s interested. But if he doesn’t, then he isn’t.

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