[Anonymous]

Hello. I was with my boyfriend for almost two years. When we first got together, he told me he needed around 4 years to settle down and I was fine with that, at that time I was 22 years old. Our relationship was certainly not perfect, as he was not giving me enough time. We would mostly see each other once a week for 3-4 hours, and he would call me once a day and we would catch up for 30-40 minutes on the phone. At the time he had a hectic school schedule so even though I wasn’t very happy about it, I was trying to be understanding. I have met his family and friends, he loved me and he seemed to be committed. Last semester he finally had a better scheduling with his school and finally I thought we would spend more time together. Sadly nothing changed, he started going out with his single guy friends a lot more. He was constantly with that group of guys, almost every day. Now we would see each other twice a week at most. Even in this case, I was trying to be understanding of him, thinking maybe he was to have some fun and relax but I just couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to see me more. When we were together, it was amazing. We were both happy; there was a lot of chemistry, love, understanding. When I brought up the issue, he said it’s just not right to spend 4 days a week with a girlfriend. He said “if I get engaged, then I’ll make sure I’m spending every day with my fiancé”. So after 2 years I brought up the possibility of getting engaged, and he told me that he’s not ready and needs another 6 years. He is 28 years old, in a professional school. He has another 4 years of school, so he says I want to be financially stable and be able to support a family. I said we can just get engaged and stay in a long engagement. My parents very conservative and in my culture these things are taken seriously. He said he’s not ready. So 3 months ago I broke up with him for needing so much time to commit, for not giving me enough time, and sometimes for going overboard with alcohol. I broke up with him when I asked him to change these things and he said no. We didn’t speak for a month, and at this point I was missing him and understood how much I love him so I told him I wanted him back without any changes on his behalf. He said he loves me more than any woman in his life but we have to take it slow blah blah and if we’re meant to be we will be. I got angry and didn’t contact him again, he didn’t contact me either. A month later I texted him asking how he was. He was really excited and happy to hear from me ad he said during the spring break we should plan something and see each other. Now my spring break was almost over and he didn’t call at all. His spring break was the following week. One of my mutual friends threw a part and invited us both. I was ok with the fact that he might have been there too. But a day before the party he texted me asking me if I’m going to go. It seemed like he really wanted to see him. But I was already angry that he didn’t call to hang out, so I decided not to go to the party. A couple of days later, he texted asking me why I didn’t go and I told him that it was not a good idea. He told me he wanted to see me and hang out with me. I said I don’t want to keep a friendship with him as things are over between us. It seemed like I hurt his feelings. I also found out that his friend asked our mutual friend if I’m going to the party 2 days before it… he later told our mutual friend that every time my ex seems me he feels really bad and kind of goes crazy and they have to know so they can take care of him afterwards. Anyways, my question is whether or not I did the right thing… and if I did, why do I still love this guy, why can’t he commit, should I forget him completely?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You did the right thing. There is no sense in wasting any more time with a guy who is not ready for what you are and wants something different from the relationship than you do. You should forget him completely because if you don’t, you’re going to not only waste your time and his, but you’ll be closed off to meeting Mr. Right.

The answer to why he can’t commit is simple: He’s not ready. Not everyone is on the same schedule. The trick is to find someone who is ready when you are! The answer to why you still love him is because he’s got some great qualities, but he doesn’t have enough qualities to make him Mr. Right for you.

Read Think & Date LIke A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you can understand how to find, get and keep Mr. Right in about one year’s time. Dating smart is a skill that you can learn — and you should. You can also buy the book on Amazon or the website for Barnes & Noble. Read it!

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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