[epea98]

Hi, so I just graduated high school last week and I’d say I’m inexperienced in romance. The reason I’m writing this question is because I’m worried that I’m easy to get in bed with. I’ve been talking to this boy, I’ll call him Al, and I genuinely like him. I went to a party last night that he did not attend and this is where it gets bad. I had sex with two different people. One of them, I’ll call him C, was a close friend and one of them was a guy that I don’t know well. I was slightly drunk when I had sex with C and more so when I had sex with the other boy. So this morning Al texted me to tell me that he heard I had sex with C and that he thought we should stop talking because he didn’t want people to think he was talking to me just for sex. Basically if he continues to talk to me, his reputation will be damaged. I feel bad about my actions and am hurt because he thinks this of me, and he doesn’t even know about the other boy. I was not dating Al. When we first met he had just come out of a relationship and when his ex heard that we were talking she started spreading rumors that they were still dating and to this day a bunch of her friends hate me. I continued talking to him through this drama and it’s hurtful that he would stop talking to me because of this, although I partially understand. Although I enjoy sex and the attention of boys, I don’t want to be seen as easy to get in bed with. Is Al right to want to stop talking to me? And when I go to college in three months, how do I get boys to respect me and not see me as just someone they want to have sex with?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re talking about controlling the perceptions of others. It’s much easier to be truthful to yourself. However, if you’re concerned about how men think of you, you should know that most men don’t want to be in a long-term relationship with a woman who sleeps around — that’s not everyone, but it is most men. I’m not here to judge or tell you that they’re right or wrong, but this is what men look for. So…. if you don’t want to be perceived in a particular way, you have to control your behavior or the profile your behavior creates for you. Al stopped talking to you because he feels hurt that you chose these other men over him. He felt that by your sleeping with them, you gave a part of yourself away, and he wanted it all to himself. Whether he’s right or wrong is less important than learning what motivates him, and why. 😉 I hope this helps.

[epea98]

you’re right. thank you so much.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[Alysa]

Ask April’s style is on another level. She doesn’t sugarcoat anything. Instead, she puts the bitter truth right in front of you so you can clearly see that the problem isn’t who you are, but the choices you make.
Look, if you just go with the flow at parties and lose control, it becomes difficult to expect “respect” later on. In college, people are very quick to label you.
You should stop worrying about your “reputation” for a moment and do some self-reflection. If you enjoy sex, go for it, but then don’t look for validation from guys like Al. And if it’s respect you want, you’re going to have to set some boundaries.
AskApril is absolutely right, the world only sees what you show them. If you carry yourself like an “open buffet,” people aren’t going to give you “fine dining” respect. It’s as simple as that!

[Member]

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