[raekay]

So I have been dating my boyfriend about 6 months. We spend a lot of time together, have told each other we loved each other, etc. However, I found out about 6 weeks ago that I was two months pregnant. I am only 25 and have just started a career. I am just starting to be able to support myself financially, so I was pretty distraught about the whole situation and didn’t know what to do. I was also worried that our relationship wasn’t strong enough yet to go through this since we had only been dating about 4 or 5 months at this point. Ultimately, he didn’t want me to have the baby, but said he would support me in whatever decision I thought was best. Unfortunately, I didn’t end up making a decision because I had a miscarriage about 3 weeks ago and lost the baby. The whole thing has been very hard for me to deal with, and I have kind of gotten the feeling from my boyfriend that it wasn’t ever stressing him out very much. One night when I was at home sick and pregnant a couple weekends ago for example, my friend ran in to him out with his friends partying at a club! So he clearly wasn’t as stressed out by the situation as I was.

Anyways, just yesterday I discovered on facebook that he already has a daughter! There is an old video clip from about 3 years ago I saw of him where one of his close friends mentions something about him having a daughter. So he clearly has a daughter that is at least three years old. I haven’t confronted him or asked him yet because I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel like he has been lying to me for the past 6 months, because this is obviously something that is (or should be) a huge part of his life, and it hurts me that he never told me. Technically I never flat out asked him if he had kids, but I feel like at this point he should have told me, especially considering everything that happened between us. I realize it may have been awkward to tell me especially once I found out I was pregnant, but I feel like he should have told me even before that. At this point what do I do? Confront him about it? Wait for him to tell me? Or just try to forget about him and move on? I am feeling so hurt. How could I feel like I knew this person, when I didn’t know something that is such a huge part of someone’s life?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Anyone who dates you for six months, goes through a pregnancy with you, even one that ends in a miscarriage — and doesn’t tell you he already has a child, either has a really bad memory (Ooopsy — I DO have a kid!! I totally forgot! 🙄 ) or he isn’t interested in honesty, intimacy or a future together. 😳

I’m very sorry about your surprise pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage, but now that you don’t have a child together, take this moment to pack up and move on — this guy is clearly hiding more than just his daughter… and you’re only in the relationship six months — while that may feel like an investment, be happy you found out now, and not six years down the line. You may be hurt, but once you wake up and realize how bad things could have been…. for instance, there may be more than just one child, and there may be a wife in the picture, too…. you’ll get over the hurt.

As for your trying to turn this into your fault for “technically” not asking him if he had kids — 😯 — yes, you should always ask someone during the dating process if they have children, and what their marital status is (don’t assume) — you’re off the hook. This isn’t your fault. The fact that he didn’t disclose it once is a clear sign that he’s not an honest person, and when someone’s not honest, you’re ultimately going to be hit with all kinds of surprises.

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