Hello, I’m in dire need of an advice. Three months or so ago I met this amazing older woman (she’s 35, I’m 19) from another city. Things went on well and she asked me to move in with her, to which I said yes (I didn’t have a job or studies to hold me back to leave my city). However, a few small issues arose recentley – she doesn’t kiss me. Sure, she kisses my cheek, or pecks me on the lips, but never with tongue. Now, this seemed odd to me, but definitely not a deal-breaker, so I asked her why she turned her cheek when I leaned to kiss her. She said her lip hurt and I somewhat believed her. Our sex life is rather unusual, I think. I mean, while we’ve been going at it every other day or so, she has only went down on me twice, despite me asking her to. I’m certain it’s not a matter of hygene. Recently, she has opened to me and she shared some really personal stuff about herself with me and perhaps that may mean she trusts me. However, yesterday my mother visited and met her and during our meeting, my girlfriend hinted to my mother some very serious things that I told her and asked her not to tell (self-harm, mild drug abuse, both in the past) and she promised me. It really hurt me and I kinda snapped, freaked out, beat the shit out of a wall and got drunk. We later talked, or at least I tried to talk with her about some sort of an explaination why she hinted that stuff. All I got was a “I wasn’t myself, I have no clue why I said it. I have no explaination.” type of answer. I don’t know what to think. At the same time, she trusts me to watch her little daughter (yes, she has a daughter) for short periods of time. I’ve also noticed she lies to her friends A LOT. I asked her about it, she said she lied to them because it was none of their business. I’m very confused to what is going on, what I should think and make of all that. I love her, but I have no idea what’s going on in her head and if I’m not just a naive teenage girl, that an older woman is playing with. I’m scared to think this may be true, I refuse to think about it, but all of this makes me question everything. She seems a tad bit impulsive at times and maybe not very mature, even behaves like a teenage tomboy sometimes. But she is truly amazing to me in any other way – the small gestures, that look, everything she has done for me… I’m really confused.
P.S. We are both butch lesbians, if that somehow matters.
