[Clint]

Hi,
About a year ago a girl I work with and I started a dialogue. We have known each other for two years. When I first met her she was married but divorced about 6 months later. I decided then that I would give her time to heal and be decent through respecting boundaries. So she and I started talking and even when I was at home she would message me all of the time. At the time I was in the process of fining my Masters Thesis and my time was very limited but responded to messages and of course I would see her at work. She would always come by my cubicle and visit. This past year I have developed intense emotions for her and after my graduation I finally asked her out. She then told me that she was seeing someone and if things did not work out then yes to be patient. She also told me had I asked before it would definitely be me. It has now been 3 months since graduation and I have completely confessed everything to her. She still insists that I will be the first to know if things do not work out. She still continues to message me and will give me a “can’t chat now” when he is around. She asks me to meet her in different workspaces to visit. When I told her that I was in love with her she actually said she loves me too. I have expressed interest in having a family to which she gets a smile. I had a new job opportunity open up at the same place just a promotion but instead of telling her where it was I left that open to her imagination. I wanted to see her response if she thought I was leaving. She was obviously affected by the announcement and looked like she was going to cry. I did finally tell her where. I think what is happening is that she is using me to get the things she is not getting out of her relationship but does “not want to be unfair” with him, her words. I have been thinking about making myself less available to see if absence really does make the heart grow fonder but do not want her to think I have become uninterested. I did ask her once what they do when she is playing games with me on the phone and she said she plays games with me and he is playing games on his phone. So am I the guy she would rather be with or am I just a placeholder? I really do love her and she is the first I have ever felt like marrying. I really do not know what to do. I want to wait it out but it is tearing me apart to sit back and watch her be with someone else and I only get a taste of her companionship. I am not sure if I should keep telling her my feelings in the hopes that she will realize what she wants or to move on. She has told me not to stop telling her how I feel. Please, what do you think? Thank you.

[Clint]

Tonight when I get the invite to chat or play I have already worked it out with another friend of 5 years to be my alibi saying that she came up for a date, which just might be the rest of the weekend. So I will reply that I cannot play or chat because Heather came up. And have considered when seeing her Monday at work telling her I was only thinking about her even when…

Still lost as ever
Clint

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’ll tell you what you should do and why, but you may not like it. 😕 She isn’t interested in dating you. If she was, she’d go out with you. You’ve put yourself in the friend zone, and as long as you stay there, you’re going to continue to feel miserable. My advice is that you move on, altogether. You may have a crush on her, or even be in love with her, but she’s not reciprocating, and if you tell me that she says she loves you, so therefore, she must, I’ll tell you that she’s not acting like someone who loves you, and her behavior is what you have to go by. 😉

I hope that helps.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Clint]

Thank you April.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts