[Anonymous]

Hi,i m a young design engineer,i am facing some kinda situation no one ever has felt,n every1 is busy brandin me lik a nerd.
i m almost 25,still unsuccesful enough to talk with any girl ,jus lik ma friends who do hours talkin over mobile fone to their girfriend(s).
i knew my hormones wer high and during college days ,i went behind a simple girl,beutiful,bt she was nt tat way,wen she tore the valentines card i gave her in front of whole college wit anger,i sstill tried to converse wit her ,until i understood she had som kind f hate for me which i cant repair(rather hw cn love be planted into such a relationship,), so i ended it up aftr my shame over friends,
later i found that som1 near my hostel ws always yearning to see me,she ws too goin to Women’s college,and she had beautiful eyes which kept me locked in to her, and both of us felt romantic to gaze each other at bus stop without telling a word, completely unknown,1 or more year passed by ,wen 1 day i tried to talk to her,she was shy,but just told me her first name, but not much, and once after 2008 mid she vanished from place,and i cudnt find her anywer,i serchd much,later i found on orkut,she never added me as friend,but she sent me new year greetings on 2009,and that was sometin last word form her,i gone mad coz i felt tat was ma first love (“with out much human conversation!!)i kept sendin love qoutes to her until she blocked ma profil,latter in 2011 i found wer she s workin ,ie at airport,bt i cud see her ,and wen i ringed her she told me she doesnt kno any1 by tat name…..i ended that too….🙂 i ws happy that she ws enjoyin her work in airlines ,n glad tat she got a job in ground handliing,rather than an air-hostess (risky!,airplane can b hijacked r crashin somtimes, thank god)…
i later tried to speak wit another girl,(with same star sign libra,same creative skills lik me,same qualification) in my sketching class,and wen i went romantic, she ws tellin with smile tat i m loathing over and over, n later she deleted me from facebook friendlist without any reason, and wen she got admission to Design School, she evn dared not to look at me as she had become design assistant of great Guirgetto Guigioro or Chris Bangle

i noticed all this relationship—no , relationships at its infancy…nothin gud happend in lov life..in 2005 i found i ws partially deaf,i can hear n talk normally bt small voices,whispers of “lovers” , n that jokes which friends say silently and blast the next instant into big bang laughter — i cant hear them.

nw i am 25 , i donno if i m meet some1 who wud welcome my deafness and my over quiet personality….i tried everything wit my creativity-guitar violin, bt i m missing som links of life,becoz of which my development is mutated, n others r not willin to accept me( as they don wanna repeat a word again if i miss 2 hear clearly..always)

i m short in stature,tat ws most girls found complaining abt me, so if i add abt my hearing problems too (to be honest) to a prospective girlfriend/bride will she accept me normally? i can make her laugh,pamper,cuddle help to cook , bt i cant imagine the situation of telling her all these..though i gt good academics,girls want guys who can start with some kind of initial conversation which i am unable to make out…and i donno if tat will be forever!!
Do girls feel wrecked abt dating a guy with slight hearing loss????

[Anonymous]

From reading your post, I don’t think your partial hearing loss is at all part of the problem.

It sounds like you first off have very little self confidence (which is an instant turn-off to women), and secondly are coming on WAY too strong/fast when you finally do start talking to a woman.

Let’s take your “first love”. You stared at her for a YEAR at the bus stop, without ever talking to her. When you finally did speak to her, it sounds like she just made polite conversation with you, not that she was interested in you at all. To her, you were probably “that creepy guy who always stares at me”. As for the rest of the story with her, your behavior was pretty stalker-like, and from her behavior it doesn’t seem as if she felt any kind of connection to you, especially since she doesn’t even know your name. I don’t know what you mean when you say you ended it, because it doesn’t sound like you two had any kind of relationship to end.

As for the second girl, how long did you wait to talk to her? An insanely long time too, I’m guessing. And when you finally did, I’m guessing it was just friendly, not flirty, and nothing that should have lead you to believe she was interested at all. You pushed it way too far, and got branded “creepy stalker guy”, which is why she deleted you from facebook, and completely ignored you in your future encounters.

Here are some suggestions, in order…
1) Accept yourself. Accept that you’re short, and that you have a hearing problem. So what? It’s who you are, and I’m sure you can find a girl that won’t mind. The key here is not to call attention to these things in a way that makes you seem completely insecure and not confident.
2) Figure out how to read a girl’s body language.
3) When you like a girl, don’t wait forever to talk to her. Go talk to her (first introduce yourself), make small talk. If she seems receptive (see #2) flirt with her a bit. If it’s going well, ask for her phone number (which you will use to ask her out on a date).
4) Assuming she says yes to the date, due to your hearing problem, take her somewhere quiet where you’ll be able to hear her better, and thus is conducive to a good conversation. If at any point you can’t hear her, briefly and causally explain your hearing problem, and ask her if she could speak up.
5) If the date goes well, sometime *after* it’s over, ask her out again. Repeat.
6) At no point in any of these steps should you stalk her, get extremely romantic too soon, talk about her having your babies, how you want to marry her, or any other things that are similarly inappropriate. After enough time, some of these things stop being taboo subjects (i.e. you wanting to marry her), but there’s no reason to bring them up when you’ve just started dating a girl.

Rejection is going to happen, but keep in mind dating is entirely a numbers game. If you get rejected, it’s really a favor to you, since you’re one step closer to finding someone who won’t reject you, and you won’t be wasting time wondering if the girl you just stared at but never talked to is the right girl for you.

Basically, my entire post can be summed up as, be confident/accept yourself, don’t be a stalker, don’t take things too fast, and actually talk to and ask out women that you like.

[Ask April Masini]

You got some great advice from [b]just my opinion …[/b] and here’s mine:

First of all, being partially deaf isn’t your whole package. Neither is being short. Lots of short men and men with partial deafness do well in the dating world because they focus on what their assets are. The truth is women are drawn to confidence, success and a sense of humor over looks any day. So stop focusing on what you consider your deficits because I’m hearing you have a lot of assets that can be developed — like your education, your desire to win with women, your intelligence, etc.

Second of all, you have to get over this fear of rejection immediately because you’re wasting time worrying about being dumped. The reality is EVERYONE gets rejected, and some of us, a lot — but the best lovers, spouses, and dates are the ones who focus on their wins — not their losses. Look at rejection as a gift. If a woman isn’t interested in you, isn’t it better to find that out in the first week or two of meeting her so you can move on and pursue someone who’s a better match, rather than wasting (in your case) years chasing Ms. WRONG? Don’t answer, because I’ll do it for you: Yes!!

Third, buy and READ my book for men called Date Out of Your League: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. This book is an automatic download so you can buy it and start reading tonight! It will help you a lot — and you can re-read portions of it that apply to your life now, for extra support.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

THANK YOU JUST MY OPINION

i like ur opinion, in fact time has taught me this lesson-self confidence

bt there exists a slight problm,,,n i m tryin 2 find a way out.

i try to speak confidently lik a man of confidence,bt due to hearin loss-some speech impedimnent is there-that means,,wen i give a question or a reply, i mostly get an answer frm (girl) that she didnt understood wat im tellin or tryin 2 tell, then i ll raise my voice n complete d “speech”, bt whole mood gets disturbed….
wen i did nt hear it i ask again, aftr 2 or 3 times the othr person gets disturbd, as if she is talking to a hell boy somtimes only,,,
somtimes i mask with som new sentences so that they don feel repetition.still u ll lose a bit f self confidence wen i m sure i speak loudeer and other person complains that its not clear n finaally askin up to be loudest!!! 🙂
still As you hav told i hav 2 find more of my assets rathr than wasting time on these defects….to boost self confidence in my mind

[Ask April Masini]

Have you talked to your doctor about a good hearing aid that will help you hear more than you already are? There are lots of technological advances, and you may be surprised at what is available to help bridge the gap between what you have naturally, and what you’d like to have.

While the Oscar-winning actress, Marlee Matlin, isn’t a guy, she, too, is deaf and has been able to overcome any challenges this deafness presented and to go on and not only have a successful career, but to marry and have a family. Look her up and watch her movies, or her recent stint on the television show, Celebrity Apprentice, and you’ll be able to tell that her speech is imperfect, but she’s gorgeous, talented, hardworking, sexy and an all around winner — and deaf.

Let me know how things go. And I’ll see you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

Dude, learn how to spell and talk properly. That would help beyond any other advice given here.

[Anonymous]

btw can any one explain how to read a women’s body language–whether she loves your company or not??
basic cues???

[Ask April Masini]

Yes — it’s all in the book I suggested you read called Date Out of Your League, [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. There are even illustrations of what to look for in a woman’s body language, and what it means when she does certain things with her hair and body.

Get the book! It will help you. 😀

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