[swk]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years. Its been a good time together and since the beginning we’ve discussed marriage. He’s always told me how he can’t wait till we’re married and that he’s sure I’m the one. We wanted to wait at least 3 years then we would get married. Well, the 3 years came and went and still no proposal. When I ask him “when are we getting married?” he tells me he doesn’t want to be rushed or forced into marriage, which is understandable to me. Last year I asked and asked him “when are we going to get married?” he finally said “we’ll be engaged in 3-6 months and we should be married within a year”. That satisfied me and I was really looking forward to it and dropped the subject. Now that is almost been five years that we’re together and we’re still not engaged! We just purchased a home together (we aren’t living together till marriage), I finally told him that if by our 5 year anniversary he doesn’t give me an exact plan as to when we will be married, I would break up with him until he does decide or we’ll go separate ways. First he thought it was a horrible idea but now he’s telling me now that he wants to break up for awhile then get back together and then get married. I’m really confused! If he wants to marry me, why breakup? He say’s he’s bored with our relationship right now and wants to start all over with me so its exciting like it was in the beginning. He’s also been very distant emotionally lately, its like he’s in another world. Am I doing something wrong? Does he have someone else in mind? should I go along with what he wants? Is this normal? I love him so much and I’m sure he’s the one I want to marry. I really don’t understand how you can be bored with someone you love as he claims he does love me. Help!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Actions speak louder than words, and your boyfriend is taking you on a ride through crazy land. I think it’s time for you to get off the train. It’s not going to stop at the station you’re looking for. 🙁

What he’s doing is not normal, and it’s not healthy for you, since you’ve been very clear that you want to get married, and you’ve taken him at his word when he says that after 3 years of dating, you’d be engaged. That didn’t happen. Neither did his promise of 3-6 months after that you’d be engaged. And now he wants to break up to get the excitement back in your relationship???? 🙄 That’s really not a good idea, and if you go along with that plan, you need more help than I can give you! 😯

I’m not sure why you’re confused by his behavior. He’s established a consistent pattern of stringing you along, not marrying you, and not being truthful with you. What you should be is furious. This guy isn’t ready to get married, clearly, and your mistake has been to stay in the relationship with him. I absolutely don’t think you should go along with what he’s asking. You already have twice, and it’s gotten you no where. He doesn’t stand by his word. He’s not respectful of you. But the worst part is that you’re not respecting yourself.

You deserve someone who wants what you want, and if you’re in your 30s or 40s, you and your boyfriend should know after a year of dating if you’re ready to marry or not — and then do it! You’ve chosen a man who is not compatible with you, and it’s time to get back out there and find someone who is.

Break up with this guy. Start dating again — and read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, so you can be sure to date well this next time around, and find Mr. Right without wasting another five years of your very precious and important life. You can download the book right here. [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

I hope this helps. You have a lot of work ahead of you, but I think you can do it. 🙂 Let me know how things go.

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