[Nikki]

So, I’m 19 and my life is kind of messed up right now (family deaths, university, almost everything seems stressful) and I’ve decided I do NOT want a boyfriend right now or probably in the near future. But at the same time I’m so sexually frustrated it was driving me crazy, like I’d get drunk and almost go home with a random which is scary, a couple times I’d go home with a guy then realize what I was doing when I got to his place and book it home. That’s not a road I ever want to go down.

I decided I wanted a friend with benefits, and I’m totally okay with the idea even if lots of people aren’t. So I picked a friend who I wasn’t too close with (incase it ended badly) and that I don’t want to date.
I instigated the whole thing, it was my first time having sex and I did tell him that, but I didn’t tell him where I wanted this relationship to go. Even though the sex wasn’t great for me, he did come 3 times (cum=good sex for him?) I was really nervous and apologized a lot and rambled a little bit (I do that when I’m nervous) which I think annoyed him a little-not enough for us to stop going at it.

Anyway-
It’s been a week since that night and we only talked once which I had to initiate while we both drunk via text. I regret drunk texting him, but at the same time we didn’t have a long or serious conversation, it was just what we were up to that night. I didn’t want to freak him out which I might have anyway.
Did I completely mess this up? There’s a couple things going through my mind,

Is he avoiding me because he thinks I feel something deeper for him now?
Was I a f*ck and chuck? (I knew this was a possibility, and I could deal with that if i just knew for sure.)
Am I now just going to be a booty call for him? (I’d at least like it if it went both ways like I had planned from the start)
Should I have told him I wanted a friend with benefits before anything happened, so that we could both figure out what was going to happen next.
Can I do anything about this situation? I’m not sure if I should just give him space or call and confront him or pretend nothing ever happened?

I asked another advice site but it wasn’t helpful at all, I got called a slut and a couple people just told me to stop freaking out. I am not freaking out I just want some answers because I’m impatient.

Please help me out April

[Ask April Masini]

Your impatience shows! 😆 And I think that ignoring it is your big problem. Your life is NOT a mess if all you’ve got to prove that mess are family deaths and university. If you think THAT’S a mess, buckle up!! 😉 What I suggest is that you acknowledge your anxiety, but not let it dictate your choices. You can be nervous, but still give yourself some discipline so that you don’t make choices based on impulse.

For instance, if you feel sexual, but are a virgin, getting drunk to anesthetize your fear of sex or your fear of not having sex — or if it’s not fear, then let’s call it discomfort — is masking the problem. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable. It won’t kill you — I promise! 🙂 What you probably don’t understand is that most women have a very rough time having a friends with benefits relationship because, like you’ve found out, you start to have feelings with the man you’re sleeping with — even if the sex isn’t that good. So I’d let go of the friends with benefits solution to your sexual needs.

Start looking for someone appropriate to date. Having friendship, romance, intimacy (and I’m not talking about sexual intimacy), sex and companionship will actually ALLEVIATE your impatience and anxiety! ❗

Next, stop picking guys you don’t like that much “in case it ends badly”. 🙄 Most relationships end badly — and that’s the nature of dating. You get to know the other person and yourself through the dating process. If you’re clever, you’ll learn quickly what makes you feel good and what works for you and try to find someone compatible – so you’ll have happiness and satisfaction in your relationship and your life.

Forget this guy — yes, you did mess it up. Sorry. 🙁 You chose poorly. You weren’t that close so he wasn’t really friends with benefits material. You were apologizing during sex. You drunk texted him. You definitely presented yourself as booty call material to him, so it’s not a stretch for you to imagine that’s how he views you. So, don’t call him. Don’t confront him. 🙄 Don’t pretend nothing ever happened. Just move on.

I strongly suggest you read Think & Date Like A Man to get some basic (and not so basic) dating tips and advice on how to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You deserve a Mr. Right in your life which is not a mess at all. It’s just lacking someone special to share it with. Here’s that link so you can buy the book: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. And since you are impatient, you can relax knowing it’s a quick read with short chapters. 😆

Join me on Facebook — I’d love to see you there, too. That membership is free, and you can click on AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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