[Anonymous]

our relationship started wrong…he has a girlfriend and I accidentally got pregnant. Since I’m graduating student that time and I don’t want to be the center of rumors so I decided to stick with the relationship though I know its not right. And I’m glad that he took the responsibility. Unfortunately as time goes by I realized he’s not my ideal man…he used to throw hurtful words that really broken me into pieces…he doesn’t care about my feelings…he cheated on me and he always makes me cry but I have to swallow the pain for my baby sake. maybe he tried to change but its not enough. until one day my emotions burst out–I cant take the pain anymore. then there’s someone come along my way…shows he cares. we become best friend until I realized I’m happy with his companion…then my boyfriend found out the ongoing friendship. he got mad, really mad…so I decided to stay away with that guy friend and started all over again with my boyfriend…but things get even worst. he get mad when he wants to…he talk shit on me when he loves to…throw hurtful words everyday…and since I don’t have someone to run to I chose to stay even if I’m crying every minute of everyday—I just think for my baby sake. I’m always sad, depress, lonely…I want to find the happiness…I want to know what I really need to do and not regret it in the end…pls pls pls..I’m begging…help me!!!

[Ask April Masini]

I don’t know how old you are, or how old your baby is, or how long you’ve been with your boyfriend — and that would all really help me to advise you! 😳

However, assuming you’re over 21 and your baby is about a year old, my advice is that you move in with a family member, if you can, get some child care or babysitting help so that you can get a part time job or go back to school part time to get a degree that will allow you to get a good job, and start to focus on your life as a single mother.

Being lonely, depressed, sad and crying every day is not what your baby needs. You have to put yourself as a mother first, and forget about men right now. Youhave to be respectful of that child and provide the best home you can for him or her.

File a custody and child support request with the court so that your baby’s father will have to pay support (your child deserves that), and focus on straightening your own life out right now, without a man. When you get your ducks in a row, and are being a good mother to your child, THEN, you can start dating.

I know that sounds like a lot of work, but you and your baby deserve it. Do the work, and you’ll get out of this tough time — I promise.

[Anonymous]

Thank you very much for the quick response…I really appreciated that.

I also think about of doing that. As a matter of fact I tried to separate him and it last for almost 2 months. Unfortunately he’s not contacting us on that span of time and not even give a damn call to talk to our baby. I cried every time my baby is asking where’s his dad and it really breaks me so I decided to go back to the house and talk to my boyfriend. We decided to work things out but for him having a guy friend which he thought something happened to me and this guy really ruins every minute of our days. He keeps throwing hurtful words to me and I swallowed it everyday for my baby sake. But of course I’m not a machine when I can’t resist the pain I tend to fight back. And just last night, he drag me outside the door and still I’m here. Maybe I’m stupid…maybe I’m crazy..but I will do this for my baby sake. I don’t have work right now and that is one thing that bothered me if I walk away from this house I don’t have the money to support my baby.

anyway Miss April, I’m turning 25 this March…my baby is already 3yrs old…my boyfriend and I were been together for almost 5yrs.

Thank you for having time reading this!!! 😎

[Ask April Masini]

[b][i]For your baby’s sake: [/i]
[/b]
Get out of a situation where your boyfriend “drags you outside the door”. Now. For your baby.

Get a court ordered custody schedule so your baby’s father is ordered to visit with the child and be in his life. Now. For your baby.

Get court ordered child support. Now. For your baby. Go to court, and ask for help. Every court has a division where men and women like yourself can get help for free. Your child deserves this support. Get it for him.

Call the police every time your boyfriend lays his hands on you. For your baby. This child deserves to have a mother who is not beaten, battered, and “dragged outside”. Now. Do it for you baby.

These are the basics you have to do this coming week. End of story.[b] You have a responsibility to provide a safe home for your child. Do it. Now.[/b]

After you do that, you need emotional support — even if it’s making friends with another single mother who can talk to you about her problems, and you can talk to about yours. You need to hear from other women who’ve been in your shoes. You are not alone, but you have to find those friends. It’s a step towards your own health and happiness. I hope you feel that you deserve that.

[Anonymous]

While I’m reading your response I was crying…I realized I don’t deserve this pain…Thank you for enlightenment! There are so many things in life to be on focus than having someone like my boyfriend…well’ Miss April I’m really glad I found your site. Keep helping! God Bless…I’ll keep you updated…mwaaahhh!!!

[Ask April Masini]

I’m glad I could help.

Please let me know how things go with you — and you stay strong! 😀

[Anonymous]

hello Miss April…there’s one more thing I need to know in order for me to fix my life…I tried to talk to my boyfriend regarding the support for my baby…he told me that he’s going to give financial support only if we we’re going to divide equally the number of days per month—like 15days my baby will be on his dad and 15days with me….but I dont want it that way because I know he can’t take care my baby as much as I care…can you please tell me some important/major things that I can ask my boyfriend for support???

[Ask April Masini]

Go to court and ask for help. Every family court has a place where you can get help for free. Tell them that you want a custody order and you have always had full custody of your child, and you want that full custody of your child to now be legal, and tell them that you want a support order so your child can have whatever child support is rightfully his or hers.

Fill out the forms you’re told to, and follow the directions about serving them (a legal term that means giving a copy to the baby’s father) and filing them (another legal term that means submitting them properly) to the court. Keep a copy of everything for yourself.

The reason that family court exists is to be the final word on matters you and the baby’s father can’t settle yourselves.

And just so you know — the reason your baby’s father is asking for equal custody days is because he thinks that he won’t have to pay child support if he has the child the same amount of time that you do. Generally (but not always) the court will award child support based on how much custody of the child you have, so if you have legal custody of your child 100% of the time, the baby’s father will have to pay more support than if you have legal custody of your child 50% of the time. Your baby’s father knows this, and is trying to play you. 😕

The court will do what they think is in the child’s best interest, so if the baby is young, chances are you will get more custody as the mother who already has full custody. This always depends on what state you live in, and what the judge thinks is really going on, [i]but it’s your job and responsibility as the mother to let the court know what is in your child’s best interest. [/i]

I’m very proud of you for stepping up your game and getting your ducks in a row — or, as you put it, fixing your life. 😀

[Anonymous]

thank you so much…now things gets clearer..thank you so much..you dont know how much i appreciate your help and words are not enough to show my apprecation..you will always be included in my prayers and I’ll keep you posted…

lots of hugssss for you Miss April

[Ask April Masini]

Thank you — I’m glad I can help. You deserve the help and a good life, as does your child.

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