[revjvc]

This girl has been interested in me for a while, but I’ve always resisted her advances because, even though I really like her, I just wasn’t ready to get back out there after my last relationship. She persisted though, and recently we’ve been getting really close. Last week I decided I was done resisting, I was ready to move on. She came over, we talked, we had sex, and the next morning it seemed that she was feeling every bit as great about it as I was. And then we started texting….
I know that texting is a terrible medium for communicating on a personal level, but she initiated a conversation and I just went with it. I told her I loved her…obviously I didn’t intend the full weight that those words are capable of carrying. I should’ve known better than to use those three words so casually, but I don’t always think before I speak, and it’s even worse when I’m trying to communicate in text messages. Understandably, she told me that it scared her that I said it and that I don’t know her well enough to love her. I apologized and made a feeble attempt at explaining myself…Unfortunately even after that, I still didn’t learn my lesson.
The next night I texted her to apologize again, which turned into another long conversation. This time, rather than keeping things direct and concise and saving it for when I was talking with her in person, I screwed up again, this time even worse. Without even really meaning to, I ended up telling her that I wanted to start a relationship, that she was the best thing to happen to me in years, that she was the most amazing person in my life, and other things that, while true on some level, I really didn’t mean to say at that particular time and place and in that way. I guess I just got caught up in sharing my feelings and was feeling invincible since we were texting and not speaking in person.
Now I know that I’ve scared her away. She says she feels guilty for letting it escalate as far as it did, she just wants to be friends now, and some other things that suck. I know I moved too fast, I made it seem like I was needy, I made her feel like I had these lofty expectations of her that she would never be able to live up to. These are all lessons that I’ve learned from past experience, but at the time I just wasn’t thinking. I was feeling, I was doing, but not thinking…
I really, really like this girl. I’m not in love with her, I don’t think I’ve already found my soulmate or anything, but I do think that she’s a very special person and I like her. Enough so that I’m not sure I’m ready to give up just yet. We go to the same university, have majors within the same department, and have a lot of mutual friends, so I know that I’ll be seeing her a lot. Obviously, I’m done texting about anything personal. That’s just a bad idea. But do you think I still have a chance? What do I need to do to clean up this mess that I’ve made? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The best thing you can do is to learn from your mistakes in your next relationship. 😕

Slow down and get to know someone before saying the L word. When someone says it too soon — before even dating — it cheapens the phrase and makes them seem like someone who says it all the time, to people they don’t know well. You can try and slow things down now, and pursue her, but it sounds like she’s moved on, and I suggest that you do the same. 😉

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[revjvc]

Thanks for the advice…I figured that would be my best option 😕
One more question, though: I’m going to be seeing this girl and hanging out with her pretty often because we are in the same relatively tight circle of friends. I still haven’t talked to her in person since our text conversations and I’m really nervous about having to face her now. Do you have any tips for minimizing weird-ness and awkwardness? I’m not great with social skills and I’m a little afraid that I’m just going to creep her out even more….

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Smile. Be civilized and polite. And don’t stalk her or bring up anything that will make you feel awkward. That said, no one ever died from embarrassment, so don’t be afraid to feel awkward. We all do from time to time! 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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