[Anonymous]

Alrighty,

So, last summer, I was having the greatest time interaction with a girl from my classes. Once the summer was over, we decided to go out. It was pretty smooth until about two weeks in. There was a lot of fighting and mostly because I have a habit of lying about everything. We broke up and some nasty things started to happen, we both mutually started to verbally abuse one another and nasty things were said and done live and over the web. When we broke up, I told her that everytime we had an intimate moment, I thought of another chick. Although this is true to some extent, I only wanted the relationship to be over.

At one point, everything stopped and we drifted towards being just acquaintances again… nothing drastic, not as bad as before.

Two things have changed: I’m not an asshole anymore, meaning, that I don’t lie with every second word out of my mouth. Second, I have had so much time to think, and, if she put up with my crap for two weeks, then she must have really cared about me, right? I see that with hindsight and from the alternate view.

I would really want to try again… only for the reason that everything was perfect in the relationship except my lying… she’s perfect… i love her.

Is there any way that anything further would be possible with her? Please help me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The burden to win her over is entirely on you. In fact, be prepared to have screwed up badly enough that you’ve lost her for good. Telling her that when you had sex with her you always thought of other women is pretty despicable. It’s hard to believe you’ve changed that much in such a short period of time without some drastic event happening to you. In fact, if you try to ration that she liked you for two weeks, before you did all the bad stuff, you still have a shot, I’m thinking you’re not empathizing with what it was like for her to hear you tell her that sex with her involved you fantasizing another woman. That’s pretty bad and very hurtful.

I think what would help is not just to acknowledge any changes you’ve made but to acknowledge and empathize with how badly you hurt her. You have some major apologizing to do. And with any apology, the recipient does not have to accept.

So if you can get through the apology, and you still have her ear, I would treat her like the princess you want her to be. If she truly is perfect, you should start with a dozen roses and work upward from there. That’s the price for the bad behavior in the past — if she chooses to buy in.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, I was thinking somewhere along those lines as well.

Cheers!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

[Member]

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