[marie88]

My relationship is passing through a difficult period and it is my fault. I have been acting terribly with my boyfriend. I was causing fights out of nothing and getting angry at him for things he didn’t do. It was all because I was passing through a rough period myself. I was depressed and felt really insecure and alone and I was acting like a crazy person, literally. I passed months crying for no reason, constantly thinking I was losing my friends when it was me who didn’t want to get out there and enjoy life. My theory is that it happened because I started taking the anticonceptive pill and I quit smoking. And I was taking it all out on him.

I know there is no excuse but I am really sorry that I acted that way and I don’t know how to make it up to him. I am a good person, I really love him and under no circumstances I want to lose him. I don’t want to hurt people and I don’t want to act that way it is just that … I don’t know why I did it. With all those hormones I just felt terrible all the time. It’s been the worst period of my life and now it has left consequences and I want to get over them, fix them and move on with my life. I was getting angry at him for coming half an hour late to my house, I was getting angry at him when he was busy and couldn’t see me, I was getting angry for almost everything and I made him pass really bad 5 months. He is a really good person, he supported my attitude all the time until he got sick of it. I was doing it because of insecurities, I felt really insecure and vulnerable and I was afraid I will lose him, together with other people. My opinion on things changed completely, my way of thinking and reacting to things changed completely, I wasn’t being myself. I am really embarrassed by it.

My situation got better but the relationship didn’t. We fight over little things like misunderstanding each other and saying bad comments. Again, 99% of them all my fault because I am scared and I understand a lot of things as a sort of an attack towards me. I know now and I am fixing it and no longer plan on doing it, I am sick of it and I am sick of whining about everything. I thought of myself as a really mature person, but these few months proved me wrong. I am improving it and making it better.
The thing is that, this completely brought him down and now he is sick of it all and doesn’t want to see me. He says he just wants to stop fighting and forget the bad things. He says he still loves me, and that he still wants to be with me, and that he hopes that his will to meet me, to see me will come back. He is not showing a lot of affection on the phone or by whatsapp like he used to. He just has no wish of talking to me or seeing me a lot. He doesn’t express his feelings easily and he needs time, so I am scared that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore but he doesn’t want to say it so that he doesn’t hurt my feelings or for whatever other reason he finds it difficult to express his feelings.

I know I sound like the worst person ever, but I swear I am not. I hate what I did. I am really embarrassed by it. I was just out of my mind these past few months, I needed time and I got back. So now I really want to try and fix my relationship and I don’t know how to act. If to give him time and not talk to him, if to try and fix it by talking to him in a sweet way and meeting him when he wants to and proving him that none of that behavior will continue. This is what he told me he wanted, it’s just that I am scared of failing and losing him for good. And it’s also really hard for me to write him and try to do things with him when he doesn’t show much wish of doing it, although I know I deserve it.

Thank you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you understand that you pushed him away with very bad behavior, the best thing you can do now, is to give him space and see if he comes back. In the meantime, don’t wait for him. Instead, focus on doing good things for yourself and others. Live a virtuous life and for every bad act you committed, whether it was complaining or berating, or acting inappropriately, do ten wonderful things for people you know, and for strangers, too. Turn your life around.

If he does come back to you, you know what you have to do! 😉 Be the girlfriend you want him to have. But if he doesn’t come back then you can use this lesson to make sure that in the future, things like taking medication and quitting smoking are monitored by a physician to help with the side effects that can make life difficult. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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