[MarcusTownley]

I don’t want to make a whole wall of text, so let’s get to it.

Last week i went to the pet doctor with my dog, the lady that helped me, a pet doctor at that….well let’s just say she was very friendly, seemed like a sweet person too and i just instantly liked her. I had to go back there later in the week and when i left i thought to myself….i need to do something about this.

When i go there next thursday with my dog there won’t be a lot of time for small talk or any of that. I DO have a feeling it’s mutual, but i have had those impressions/thoughts before and turned out to be false. I have nothing to lose, but i do want to make a good first impression. Basically i’d like to see if you can give me some nice examples of things to say, you know…just some advice. Who knows, it might help me out greatly.

[Ask April Masini]

Tell her you just have this instinct about people, and you think she’s very special — aside from the obvious. Then ask her if she’d like to have dinner on Saturday. If she says yes, then get her phone number to follow up. If she says no, then you get to move on! 😉

Hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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[MarcusTownley]

Hi there,

I finally asked her out today. It took a while, but better late than never. I’ll explain.

So i was there today and we had a little talk, it was much nicer than usual in terms of us talking. And then when the time was right i asked if she wanted to go for a drink with me sometime. She replied that she couldn’t because she was going on vacation for three weeks. So i said that’s ok, maybe after that? And right after that i asked if she perhaps already had someone, usually i don’t do that….but i did this time. She said she didn’t have one, but that she was on a internship in this town at the vet and that this was her last day. She said she lived in another town and that’s a train trip of two hours from here. Far from ideal.

I then said, ah that’s too bad and i just thanked her and said goodbye and wished her a nice vacation and left. Now i don’t know if i handled things the right way. On one hand i am very happy i finally asked her out, i finally crossed that bridge and this should make it easier in the future and i’m good with this, because the distance isn’t exactly short. Plus a friend said distant relationships (if it was going to turn into one) are never really ideal. On the other hand i am thinking i should have said…hmmm that’s quite the distance, but maybe i can come over there after a few weeks, we’ll eat or drink something, see how it goes? Especially because i go towards there several times a year when i go hang out with my friends. but at the same time i am like…she could have offered this herself to me. Maybe the interest wasn’t mutual , but it really could be anything. Another friend of mine said distance should not matter when you like someone…this is now making me wonder if i should call the vet’s place, ask for her on the phone and still offer to come to her town in a few weeks. I don’t want to come off as desperate though. But i am not gonna deny i feel bad about this.

[Ask April Masini]

I think you did great.

If you had pushed too hard for a date, you might have come across as too needy and a little desperate. It’s much cooler if you leave her wondering. Which is what you did! Good for you. And, next time, with whomever you’re interested in, you’re going to have an easier time getting to the asking because this experience was successful in that you asked, and nobody fainted or died!! It’s not your fault that her veterinary internship is ending, and if you hadn’t asked, you would never have known.

As for distance, it does matter. A lot. And you can like or even love someone, but often, long distance relationships don’t work, simply because of the distance. So, I think you made the right call. If you’re ver in her town, or find yourself going there, you should give her a call and ask her to dinner. But in the meantime, I think you should chalk this up to experience and move on.

[MarcusTownley]

Hi there,

First of all thanks for the kind and informative reply. I am very very glad to say i followed your advice. Well….partly. I did not go back there, because i knew how busy it was for the place today and i did not have an appointment. After thinking for several hours about it and really doubting what i should do….i called the veterinarian and asked if she was available but the woman told me she was still busy working. So i asked if she could call me back. So she did. I told her that distances are not a problem for me, especially when it concerns such a super nice and friendly girl as hers. So i said the invitation to get a drink somewhere still stands, but of course only if the feelings were mutual. Turns out they weren’t, she said it was pure friendly and in a business way, nothing more than that. So it certainly seems that my hunches, if that’s the right word, were false.

So sadly it’s not the answer i was hoping for but i am SO glad i did make the call nonetheless. I don’t easily say this, but i am proud of myself. Today i did three things that i used to have plenty of difficulties with. Simply asking a lady out for a drink (other times i either simply didnt do anything or gave a note to the women) , asking if she already had someone and last but not least, making that call and not giving it up. I bet things will be easier in these regards for me in the future.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m really proud of you, too!

You did really well. Keep going…. smile and flirt with 20 new people every day. You’re going to be a very successful dater. I can tell.

[MarcusTownley]

Thank you for the kind words 🙂

I am honestly not a big flirter at all, but i can always try and do it in my own way. I am very glad i finally crossed the bridge though, so to speak. The one i always had trouble with and next time this will make things easier for me. I’ve been talking to friends about this and they said that maybe if i had asked her a few weeks ago, when she still had plenty of time left in this town, that she might have said yes, even if she wasn’t into me like i was into her, it could have been in a friendship way for her and anything can develop from that. While that’s true, it also definitely doesn’t have to be the case at all. She didn’t however flat out say no yesterday, simply that she was going on vacation, so my friends could be right…if i had not delayed it so much, it might have meant we had been going for a drink, but at the end of the day her answer was clear enough and there’s no point in dwelling on it.

Something i am more…i guess bummed out about, if that’s the right word, is that i was completely wrong on my hunches. I honestly thought she had given me signals, in the way she behaved towards me, talked to me, etc. Next time i will definitely pay more attention to see if there’s indeed signals. What should i look for April? What is most of the time a crystal clear sign a lady is truly into a guy or at least a sign that tells me..”you definitely have a good chance going for a drink with her.” ? 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

When women like you, they’ll laugh at your jokes, hold that look a beat or two longer than they normally would, get excited to see you, play with their hair, turn towards you — but bottom line, they’ll say yes when you ask them out.

[MarcusTownley]

So i went to a restaurant with my mom this evening for her birthday and we had a great time. A young lady there, a waitress brought us our food and that was that. As soon as i saw here i thought to myself..”damn, that’s a nice lady.” While we were eating i noticed that she glanced at me a few times while she was just waiting for customers. And when i paid for the food and we left, she said ”goodbye” in a certain way. Of course it could all be in my head and that it’s nothing, but i have a feeling the interest was mutual. Let’s just call it that.

It’s a fantastic place and definitely not too pricey, so i am gonna go there more often for a full meal or a quick bite. Let’s say i see her again next time….what is a good way to break the ice? I am absolutely ****ing terrible at small talk, i don’t like it, but then who does? I just never really know what to say. My intention is to basically ask her out for a drink, but i can’t just do that out of the blue. Chances are she won’t even recognize me next time, so i have to say something, do something that no other regular customer would do. I just need some advice, never hurts to get some advice.

A friend of mine who is absolutely not shy in any way and VERY good with women, he would just say she’s a damn fine lady and he’d like to get to know her better. But i definitely believe that it’s important how you say things, and some things should just not be said if you know you’re going to fail.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, you definitely can ask her for her number out of the blue. Since you’re going to see her at her workplace, while she’s working, she may not be able to have much of a conversation with you, but she can definitely give you her number.

Second, flirting means complimenting her, asking her questions (which might be perfect for this situation), and leaving her a great tip, in this case, since she’s a waitress! So try all that, and remember that flirting takes practice, and you have to be willing to take a pie to the face and fail, in order to succeed. Besides, it’s flirting. You’re not performing brain surgery. Just do it, and don’t worry so much. 🙂

[MarcusTownley]

[quote=”April Masini”]First of all, you definitely can ask her for her number out of the blue. Since you’re going to see her at her workplace, while she’s working, she may not be able to have much of a conversation with you, but she can definitely give you her number.

Second, flirting means complimenting her, asking her questions (which might be perfect for this situation), and leaving her a great tip, in this case, since she’s a waitress! So try all that, and remember that flirting takes practice, and you have to be willing to take a pie to the face and fail, in order to succeed. Besides, it’s flirting. You’re not performing brain surgery. Just do it, and don’t worry so much. 🙂[/quote]

Next time i go there i could say something like ”I had no idea what to cook at home, so i thought i’d go here where i am guaranteed of fantastic food, great vibe and people. That’s already something a regular customer wouldn’t say really, not often i believe. This might take her out of customer mode (so to speak) already.
I could ask her recommendation on what to eat, maybe crack a joke about my dog, that she’d love to come with me next time, because ”boy she can eat and would be a fantastic customer” all saying that with a smile of course. When it’s time to leave and pay the money for the food, i could leave a tip and maybe a note or napkin with an invitation and my number written on it. Or of course directly tell and ask her, tell her that it was great to see her again and that i’d love to take her for a drink sometime.

However, some people (all are waiters/waitresses) said to me that it’s basically a rule that you don’t ask a waitress out like that, not directly. It’ll make them uncomfortable while they have to stay professional. I do believe it’s different for everybody, so she might actually like it, if she’s even single at all. One last thing, you said i could ask her questions. What kind of questions? Sorry i’m just bad at this stuff AND it’s been quite a while. I’d love to compliment her, but it should be genuine and not creepy and shouldn’t make her think ”ooookay…why did he say that?”.

[Ask April Masini]

This article might help: [url]https://www.askapril.com/dating-tips-dating-tips-for-shy-guys-and-shy-girls–16.html[/url]. 🙂

[Ellectra999]

Flirting is the best way not to look awkward and make a good impression! flirting is everything in dating.

[Ask April Masini]

Good idea!

[MarcusTownley]

[quote=”April Masini”]This article might help: [url]https://www.askapril.com/dating-tips-dating-tips-for-shy-guys-and-shy-girls–16.html[/url]. 🙂[/quote]

Thank you. I’ll definitely read this. 🙂

[quote=”Ellectra999″]Flirting is the best way not to look awkward and make a good impression! flirting is everything in dating.[/quote]

Sounds good. But the problem is, i always worry that whatever i am going to say as a compliment to her, that it will be too much. For example she’s definitely a pretty lady, but i really don’t think i should be saying that right away as a compliment. I could say that after i’ve spoken to her some more or after i’ve told her that it was nice to see her again, that already is somewhat flirty, isn’t it? But i want my compliment to be genuine, i could compliment her on how kind she is towards the customers, perhaps even say she makes an already nice place like the restaurant even better with her presence. Would that be ok?

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