[Aimikomi]

My boyfriend and I have almost been dating for 3 months. I really like him and thought things have been going well till I found out from an mutual friend that he has been telling her his issues with our relationship. Him and I were best friends before we got together. Originally before we became close I developed a crush on him, but gave up since he liked someone else. Through out the years him and I got closer. He would always talk about me to his family. It wasn’t until about 5 months ago he confessed to me he developed feelings for me. As we hung out more I realized I still had a thing for me and we decided to go for it. He has never been in a relationship as I am his first.

For the first few weeks he was very expressive about his feelings for me, but after a while it slowly disappeared. Although he is still affectionate, but he doesn’t express his feelings about me anymore. He kept on stating I do not talk while he does most of the talking. I did not understand what he meant because I tried to talk. Now he just enjoys picking on me so he can get a reaction out of me. I found out from our mutual friend that when we were friends that we talked more so maybe he wanted that, I do not know. He then told her I said something on the first month that made him uncomfortable which he could have told me so I could explain it better because I tend to phrase things incorrectly. It was, “I told him I felt very comfortable with him that I can imagine living together with him.” He told her that made him very uncomfortable. I told her I didn’t want to live together with him, it was a saying that I felt that much comfortability.

Yesterday I decided to ask him to talk because I was not feeling very good since I am also dealing with another personal issue, but he kept on making excuses to not to. When I ask the next day, he says we will see because he has a lot of school work. When I finally said then I take it as a no is when he said we can talk the following day which is tomorrow. I asked him if he knew what I wanted to talk about and he said he sort of has an idea which is about our relationship status.
I then told him, “I am not sure if you know, but I really like you and wouldn’t want to lose you. I am not sure how you feel” He then told me, “I know how you feel, but I really don’t know how I feel. Things aren’t like how they use to be”. So I suggested that would it be better that I let him go. He said, “Let’s discuss this on Friday night because I am not certain yet. Give me a full day to go into thinking mode”

I want to have hope we can make this work and I seriously thought it was going well, but I guess not since he doesn’t really know how he feels.

[AskApril Masini]

Since you’ve only been dating for three months, and you’re his first girlfriend, there are a couple of basics I can help you with. 🙂 First of all, never have “the talk” with a guy. As you can see, guys hate having the talk. And frankly, if you have to have “the talk” you already know that there are problems in the relationship that a talk isn’t going to resolve. It’s just to make you feel more secure — temporarily, but it’s going to make him feel like this relationship is more work than fun. So avoid that talk at all costs. It doesn’t help a relationship and it can hurt it.

Second, understand that dating is a process that allows you to figure out if the person you’re involved with is someone you want to continue dating, and then to have a relationship with. You can’t bend the outcome to match your hopes. But you can be attentive and see if things are woking out, and where they aren’t, make adjustments if you can. The three month mark is the time when you decide whether or not you want to continue dating someone. Because he sounds like he’s not interested anymore, you can try winning him back by flirting and enticing him — in other words, giving him something to chase after because guys love chasing women! What you want to avoid is being didactic and “teaching” him with a talk, about what he should and shouldn’t be doing.

I hope this helps.

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