[Anonymous]

my ex and i were together for almost 4 yrs. he cheated, disrespected me, and even put his hands on me a couple times. whenever i confront him about cheating and tell him he’s wrong for putting his hands on me he says that i dont respect him as a man, i talk to him like a dog (which i dont), and that we will never amount to anything, but when i actually leave him alone (after two weeks) he starts texting me non stop, calling, and even stopping by my father’s house to see me. yet when i take him back he waits til i trust him again to cheat on me, deny cheating, lies, breaks my heart, and even puts his hands on me.

why does he do this? i mean, if he didnt want me then how come after i leave him alone for real he starts pursuing me but yet when i take him back he cheats on me again? what should i do april? because this is an unhealthy cycle that im ready to break away from. oh and he said he doesnt want me back ever again and is still messing around with females he previously cheated on me with and he is also messing with new females. im annoyed with this. why does he do this? and what should i do? anyone is free to comment.

[MarMarie]

Men sometimes, are dense. He’s doing these things to you because he thinks he owns you. You’ve been together for four years. He’s claimed you. The best way to deal with this is to ignore him. But if you love him try to talk to him about it. He does the cheating thing because he wants you to trust him. Sometimes cheating is just an obsession. There’s no way you can fix it, only he can. He hits you because he wants you to be scared of him. He thinks it gives him power over you to keep you from leaving him. The way I would deal with this would be to tell him that he needs to stop. Start going out with friends again and meeting guys. It wont be easy and there will be drama but in the end everything will work out.

[Anonymous]

You need to lose this guy.. he is not nice, doesn’t know what he wants and could get an std from his actions. If he hits you he is being abusive. I do not agree with what the previous person wrote, this guy is not for you. He def thinks he owns you, but he wants his cake and to eat it to. I know how hard it is to walk away, but if you can ignore him for 2 weeks, you can ignore him forever. Find someone who will treat you right, someone who will not want to put any passion into anyone but you. Someone who would never hit you etc. If he really wants you, he will come back again, but this time you be stronger, and you tell him.. no cheating, no hitting. Thats if you can trust him to do that….

[crazed-driver]

He doesn’t love you. The minite he raised his hand to you, you should have worked that out 😕 As for his cheating that just shows that he aint ready to settle down yet and he doesn’t love you enough reguardless of what he says. He starts arguements/the lies so its an excuse for you to split up with him and he can do what he wants as he knows despite what he does, you will take him back. This only makes him feel like he has more power and eventually make you look and feel bad. Its a well known fact that if you leave him and avoid all contact with him and make sure he can’t contact you in the meantime. Delete his number and change your number, then tell you friends and family about him and say you want nothing to do with him, etc. And if your friends/family welcome him in with open arms or evem try to get you back with him then obviously they need to be out of your life too. In the meantime though, go out and enjoy yourself doing varied activities and in the meantime, see if you can make some close guy mates. (Make a few as you may think they’re the next one for you, etc). Then you’ll meet a guy who will have the same beliefs/interests as you as you would have done various of things together that you enjoyed doing anyway when you were out with your currents friends.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You got some great advice from everyone!

I agree with [b]MarMarie[/b] who wrote that there is no way you can fix this guy. Your wanting to figure out why he does what he does is part of YOUR problem. Unless you’re the SPCA, you shouldn’t be taking in stray dogs. This man is riddled with serious problems, and you can’t fix them. What you can fix, however, is your own problem.

If a man hits you, as [b]desperate for advice[/b] posts, he is being abusive. Anytime ANYONE hits you, you should call the police. You need protection — but so does he. He needs help to stop hurting people (and himself at the same time). Obviously, because he’s done this to you multiple times, he’s not going to stop unless there is some intervention.

You need to do what [b]crazed-driver[/b] suggests: change your number and delete his from your phone. YOU need to eliminate him from your life and stop looking to men who are abusive for love. Anyone who hits you isn’t an appropriate partner to say the least.

Enlist the help of family and friends to get you out of this relationship — and then stay out of this one, and any other that is as abusive.

I hope that helps. Please let us all know how things go.

And join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you there. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[crazed-driver]

[quote=”April Masini”]You got some great advice from everyone!

I agree with [b]MarMarie[/b] who wrote that there is no way you can fix this guy. Your wanting to figure out why he does what he does is part of YOUR problem. Unless you’re the SPCA, you shouldn’t be taking in stray dogs. This man is riddled with serious problems, and you can’t fix them. What you can fix, however, is your own problem.

If a man hits you, as [b]desperate for advice[/b] posts, he is being abusive. Anytime ANYONE hits you, you should call the police. You need protection — but so does he. He needs help to stop hurting people (and himself at the same time). Obviously, because he’s done this to you multiple times, he’s not going to stop unless there is some intervention.

You need to do what [b]crazed-driver[/b] suggests: [b][/b] change your number and delete his from your phone. YOU need to eliminate him from your life and stop looking to men who are abusive for love. Anyone who hits you isn’t an appropriate partner to say the least.

Enlist the help of family and friends to get you out of this relationship — and then stay out of this one, and any other that is as abusive.

I hope that helps. Please let us all know how things go.

And join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you there. Here’s that link: [url][/url].[/quote]

Can you not delete that please as its nice to hear from an expert that they aree/say i’m right on things, which doesnt happen often 😥 😥 😆

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad you’re happy with my advice and comments! 😀

[Ethan Morales]

From everything you’ve shared, this is textbook abuse and manipulation. April is right trying to figure out why he behaves this way is less important than protecting yourself. His pattern hitting, cheating, gaslighting, then chasing you when you pull away is not love or confusion; it’s control. He’s conditioned you to chase after him, giving him power while you bear the emotional and physical toll.

The hard truth: no reasoning, pleading, or trusting will change him. You cannot fix him only he can fix himself, and based on this pattern, that’s extremely unlikely. Your priority is your safety, self-respect, and breaking the cycle. That means cutting off contact entirely, leaning on friends/family, and refusing to engage with him again. Any lingering attachment or “why?” questions will only keep you trapped.This is tough to hear, but the healthiest move is total disengagement. Protect your heart and your safety everything else falls into place after that.

[Tara]

He does all of this because you let him. He cheats because there are no consequences. He lies because you believe him. He puts his hands on you because he knows you’ll stay. He comes crawling back after you leave because he needs the control, not the relationship. And the moment you take him back, he goes right back to cheating because he knows you’re predictable, forgiving, and still emotionally hooked.

This isn’t love it’s exploitation mixed with manipulation and abuse. He doesn’t want you; he wants ownership. He doesn’t pursue you because he values you; he pursues you because he can’t stand losing access to someone he knows he can break down whenever he wants.

You’re asking why he behaves like a monster instead of asking why you keep walking back into the cage. The cycle won’t stop because he won’t change you have to. The only correct move is to cut him off completely,

block him everywhere, tell your family not to let him near you, and actually stay gone. Stop mistaking chaos for passion. He isn’t confused he’s abusive. And you’re done the moment you decide to be.

[Natalie Noah]

This situation is not about love. it’s about control, trauma, and a toxic cycle that has been allowed to repeat far too many times. This man pulls her back not because he values her, but because he values the power he has over her. When she leaves, he panics because the control slips away, so he chases. And when she returns, he feels safe enough to repeat the cheating, lying, and physical abuse. That pattern is not accidental. it’s the blueprint of someone who wants dominance, not partnership, and it will never magically transform into the healthy love she’s hoping for.

The questions she’s asking “Why does he do this? Why does he come back?” those come from a wounded part of her that wants closure and logic. But his behavior doesn’t come from a logical, emotionally stable place. He’s unpredictable, destructive, and deeply unsafe. The real question she needs to ask is not “Why does he hurt me?” but “Why am I still allowing access to someone who has proven he will?” When someone hits you, cheats on you repeatedly, and tears down your self-worth, the only answer the only healthy answer is distance, safety, and complete separation. No mixed signals, no waiting for him to become someone he is not.

The advice April gave to cut him off, involve support, and stop trying to “fix” a man who is harming her is the absolute truth. She needs not only to leave, but to protect her peace and rebuild her sense of self-worth. People who love you don’t bruise you. People who choose you don’t hurt you repeatedly and then blame you for the pain they caused. The cycle ends the moment she decides she deserves better and actually enforces that boundary. And genuinely, she does deserve so much better respect, tenderness, honesty, and safety. Those aren’t luxuries in a relationship; they’re the foundation.

[Sally]

It’s about control. Guys like him don’t chase you because they value you, they chase you because they hate losing access to you. The second you take him back, he goes right back to cheating, lying, and putting his hands on you, because he thinks he’s got you right where he wants you. That’s not a relationship. That’s a cycle.

And I know it’s confusing when he blows up your phone the moment you pull away, but that’s not him “wanting you.” That’s him panicking about losing the power he had over you. If he actually cared, he wouldn’t keep breaking you down the moment you trust him again.

You’re not crazy for wanting answers, but the truth is simple: he treats you this way because you keep giving him another chance. The cycle only ends when you end it. Block him. Walk away. Let him chase someone else in circles. You deserve a life that doesn’t hurt like this.

[Member]

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