[jlmf44]

Hi April,

I am 25 years old and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 16 months. Recently he has been telling me that he doesn’t know if I am the girl for him. (when at one point he was telling me that I was) But he said that he wants to stick it out and see what happens. So last night we got to talking, and basically got on the same topic again. I thought that things had been going really well lately, and I thought that things were on the up and up. He basically told me that he doesn’t think things have gotten THAT much better since our last talk. He told me all the things that he loves about me and the reasons that we are still together, but then also went on to tell me that he still doesn’t know if he wants to break up with me and still doesn’t know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The thing is, I’m not asking him to know as of right now if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I would like to know if he actually wants to be with me? Those are things that he just can’t answer right now, but if he had to judge ” things are more pointing in the direction of the fact that we are going to break up, rather then we are going to spend our lives together”. So I asked him how long this was going to take to figure out because I don’t want him to decide 3 years down the line that it isn’t worth it. I said this to him and he said that even at 28 that would still be too young to get married? I really am at a loss right now for what to do. I love him ALOT, but on the other hand I need to watch out for myself too. He says he loves me, we have a great time together, we don’t really fight because we have figured out how to properly communicate with one another when things are not satisfactory. I am just SO confused right now. I don’t want to break up AT ALL I do want to see if things can get better, but I’m not exactly sure what my cut off point should be or what. Please help! I’m trying to work over here but my mind just keeps drifting.

Thank you
JLMF

[jlmf44]

I also want to add, that recently his brother and his brother’s girlfriend (of 7 years) broke up. After this happened I started to see a change in his attitude about OUR relationship. I have a strong feeling that this is part of the reason he seems so reluctant to fully commit… I just don’t know if I should leave the relationship until he feels that he is ready to commit, or if I should stick it out to see if he comes to some conclusion.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Unfortunately, your boyfriend isn’t ready for what you are, and he’s giving you the message loud and clear. You don’t want to hear it, so you’re confusing yourself — so you don’t have to. 😕

You’re confused because you don’t want to do what’s right for you. After over a year of dating your boyfriend is being very clear that he isn’t sure if he wants to be with you; if you’re the one for him, or if he even wants to get married after 3 more years. This isn’t what you want for yourself…..but you’re afraid of being alone, so you’re considering staying with him so you don’t have to face this fear.

I’m sorry, but your boyfriend isn’t Mr. Right and if you stick around, you’re wasting your time. I know you have feelings for him, but if you want to find, get and keep Mr. Right, you have to date men who are ready for the same commitment you are. He isn’t. 😳

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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