[someonewhoisnoone]

So I have had a friend since 7 years, we met once a week every week as we were doing some activities together, but last year i quitted those activities and i started to forget her. One day she sent me a challenge that she knew i wouldn’t do, the punishment for not completing the challenge was inviting her to a coffee. Then everything started to change. I began liking her and we started to hang out more and more oftenly, never more than once a month or twice a trimestre, but when we met, we talked for very long hours, maybe all afternoon or 5 hours, and we hang out in the city or we go shopping. Some times she sent me messages on my phone, but it’s me the one who textes her more, on these dates we talk about our studys and plans for the vacations, as well as some relationship and friendship issues. I haven’t told her that i felt for her as i don’t want to loose our relationship, and i don’t know if she loves me or she just likes hanging out with me. I know that I’m not the most handsome guy arround, but when i greet her birthday, she told me that she was really pleased to have known me better and that she was glad that our relationship had come to something more than just after class activities friends. I really don’t know if I should confess her as we only see us once every one or two months.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[someonewhoisnoone]

We both are 19

[someonewhoisnoone]

[quote=”April Masini”]How old are you both?[/quote]
We both are 19

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. You’ve been friends with this young woman since you were both 12 and now you’re 19 and you want to get out of the friend zone without losing the friendship you have with her. The reality is that things change. Life changes. And it’s very difficult to have both things — her as a romantic interest and her as a friend. They conflict. A friend isn’t someone you want to date and kiss — and a romantic interest isn’t someone who’s going to be excited for you when you have a great date with someone else because there’s romance between the two of you. I think that at this point in your life, you have to realize your feelings for her have changed and the friendship has blossomed into something else. I also think there’s a good chance she feels the same way about you. My advice is to tell her you’d like to take her out on a date and that you really value her and don’t want to lose this opportunity to get to know her as a girlfriend, not a friend anymore. Big step — I know, but if you don’t take it, it’s going to turn into a regret. 😕

[Sally]

From what you described, she clearly cares about you. Spending hours together, opening up about life and relationships, telling you she’s glad your connection became more than just activity friends that’s not nothing. That’s emotional closeness. At the same time, it also sounds like she’s comfortable where things are, which is why it feels unclear.

The hardest truth is this: you won’t get clarity by waiting longer. Seeing each other once every month or two keeps things safe, but it also keeps them stuck. Confessing doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be simple and honest, like telling her you’ve started to feel something more and wanted to know how she feels.

You’re afraid of losing what you have, which makes sense. But sometimes not saying anything slowly hurts more than hearing a clear answer. Whatever she says, at least you won’t be guessing anymore.

[Tara]

You’re not confused, you’re scared. And fear has parked you permanently in the friend zone.
Seven years of friendship. Hanging out once every one or two months. You text more than she does. That already tells you the balance of interest, and it’s not in your favor. Long conversations don’t equal attraction. Comfort doesn’t equal desire. Shopping and talking for hours means she feels safe with you, not pulled toward you.

Her birthday message wasn’t a love signal. It wasa polite appreciation. “Glad our relationship became more than activity friends” still lands squarely in emotional companionship, not romance. If she were romantically interested, you wouldn’t be guessing after months; you’d feel it in her effort, frequency, and initiative. You don’t.
Here’s the harsh part: by staying silent to “not lose the relationship,”

you’re already losing. You’re investing emotionally while pretending you’re fine with crumbs. That’s not loyalty, that’s self-betrayal. And the longer you wait, the more cemented your role becomes as the safe, non-threatening guy she enjoys occasionally.

You’re worried about not being handsome enough. That insecurity is leaking into your behavior and keeping you passive. Attraction doesn’t reward hesitation. It punishes it.

So here’s the only move that isn’t pathetic: you tell her directly that you’re interested in her as more than a friend and ask if she feels the same. No speeches. No disclaimers. No apology. If she says no, you don’t negotiate friendship terms; you step back and reclaim your dignity. If she says yes, great. Either way, the uncertainty dies.

[Member]

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