[gemini7]

Hi April,

This is my 1st time asking for help online but I’m in desperate need of some outside advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 8yrs now. We have had a few trust issues but he never actually cheated. A little flirting and “entertaining” women’s attempts is all. This has always rubbed me wrong as he was never honest about it and I found out by being nosey. I have my own childhood issues that made it very hard for me to look pass this as I ended up trusting him in the beginning & he ended up losing my trust which I never saw coming. I also have a son from a previous relationship that he was very strict with & some underline jealousy. He also had no balance of discipline & love with him and was just the disciplinary & lacked the “showing love” aspect. After some years he is trying now but I’m still bitter over the way he treated him. & finally we have a terrible sex life, he can barely get it up for our whole relationship and we are young 30’s. I have more of a sexual appetite and have completely turned that off to flow with his lack of passion. I have been told by friends that this is because I am an alpha female and have emasculated him but this was happening even in the beginning when I was head over heels. We also don’t have too many things in common like I use to think we did. He is very laid back and doesn’t like change and I am the opposite. HOWEVER, I still can’t break up with him and I don’t know why. He wants to work things out and genuinely loves me. He is also handsome but I have even lost the attraction to him. Is this a phase? Am I doing something wrong by not trying harder with him or is it time to split ways? Any advice is greatly appreciated at this point. Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

After eight years with this guy, I think it’s time for you to move on. Here’s why:

* Your boyfriend should not be disciplining your son — ever. If he marries you and becomes the step-father and you live together, that’s a different story. When you say you are bitter over his strong discipline towards the boy, I’m having to read between the lines here, and I’m going to guess that the behavior he exhibited towards your son is a deal breaker.

* When you have a child, dating is different than when you don’t. The child has to come first, and the fact that this guy is not a good potential step-father should be a deal breaker for you.

* The combination of your lack of a sex life and his “entertaining” other women’s attempts at flirtation… 😕 makes me think that there’s more going on with him outside the relationship than you may be willing to admit.

* And after 8 years of dating, at your ages, if you’re looking for marriage, it’s not going to happen with this guy.

It seems like you could better than him, easily, but you’re stuck in a rut. So, do it for your son. He deserves better — and so do you. 😉

Hope that helps.

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