[Anonymous]

Hello. My name is Angela. And I’m very lost with what to do…

Here’s some background information: For the last two months, I’ve been talking to this guy, Brandon. He graduated from my school in ’09 (I’m graduating this year). He’s 19 and I just turned 18 not too long ago. Anyway, he and I had some mutual friends, and we ended up talking for about a week or so over texting and yes, Facebook. Our first date happened not too long after we started talking, and it went amazingly. Now we’re to the point that we spend two days or more out of the week with each other (usually at night because of work and school). He takes me on dates, and both of our parents think that we’re dating because we spend so much time together. His dad is always saying how awesome of a girl I am, and how lucky Brandon is. Our friends are also dead set on the thing that we are more than friends too (except my best friend, who is very skeptical about this whole thing). Oh, and we’re also starting this independent business thing, so we will soon be doing that together as well.

Anyway, we have had talks a few times about being more than friends. And this is kind of where things get rough… We decided after about a month of dates, to have a conversation about friends with benefits (I brought it up, actually). We agreed that we’ve been going really well as friends, and that there would be no harm in adding sex into the mix (we were very safe). Also, since we’re so busy, that was a way to make things a little more serious without it being as committed as a relationship (we aren’t talking to anyone else, so it’s not like we wanted that so we can hook up with multiple people fyi). So… That went on for like two weeks, but it didn’t turn into just “screw buddies”. We only had sex twice, and the rest of the time we spent as very very close friends (with the occasional cuddling and kissing). Then a few nights ago, he said that we should go back to just friends “for now”. He still wants to spend a lot of time with me, take me out, just without the “benefits” part. This threw me off completely, because usually it’s the girl that doesn’t want the sex to continue. But when I asked him why, he’d said something along the lines of he was doing this for himself, and that he can’t have feelings for anyone right now. Then we talked some more, and I find out a little more of the truth. His ex, Marissa, was the typical girl. She needed him to text her 24/7, pay for everything, spend every day with her, clingy, complained a lot, and then once they broke up after two months due to her high maintenance, and then she wouldn’t be friends with him. Now she has a horrible attitude towards him, and I know it makes him upset. Our “relationship” is a bit different though. He pays sometimes, I pay sometimes, we text only if it’s important, and other than that we talk on the phone every other night or so, and I’m a very drama free person. When we first met, I told him “I’m not the typical girl”, and the night of our talk, he told me he was just now starting to believe me. To be honest I feel like he thinks if we get serious, I will walk away like Marissa and then he’ll lose a very close relationship that we’ve made, as well as a new business partner. He admitted he’s afraid of relationships, and that he wants to get the business started more before he worries about bringing someone into his life.

So, I told him we can be just friends again. And that’s how it’s been for about a week. But really, I miss how things were before, and I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual. And I know he likes me as much as I do him, he is just stubborn with admitting it. He does cute things still, which is really confusing me. He also says he’s not talking to anyone else. He knows I want something more, because I made that very clear. But his intention for right now, is to just be friends. Now, I’m patient and will wait for him, because it’s awesome spending time together. But I have a few questions…

First, Valentine’s Day is in a month. I’m going to try and wait til then to do something really cute to show him how much I really do like him. I’m not sure what I’ll do yet, but I’ll figure it out. Do you think that would be an okay waiting time to bring up the relationship thing? I don’t want to bring it up again until then, because I know he needs time to think. I may need some cute tips on how to come up with something too… lol.

Second, I know he is not playing me. He spends SO much time with me, and I’m not worried about other girls because before we’d agreed to say if we were interested in someone else. He works full time and goes to college, and I know he has friends but like I said, I’m not worried. But how can I do some things that will kind of ensure that he doesn’t forget that I still really like him? And to keep him interested?

Third, how can I prove to him that getting with me won’t lead to another “Marissa”? I know I can’t promise a long term relationship to him, because shoot not even I know that. But I do want a relationship, and I wouldn’t ever refuse to be his friend if for any reason we didn’t work.

Your website is amazing!! I hope you can help me out some.
Thanks!
Ang

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, IMMEDIATELY, buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You absolutely need to have a better understanding of how to find, get and keep a man!

Second of all, DO NOT, tell him you want more than a friendship. It was a mistake for you to be the one to suggest a friends with benefits relationship — and that didn’t work out. The man wants to be the person in the relationship who does the chasing because it will make him feel good about himself and about the relationship and about you!! You’re taking that opportunity away from him at every turn. 😮

You really have to sit back and learn how to be flirtatious and alluring — not the guy in the relationship who does the chasing. It isn’t working, as you can see, so read Think & Date Like A Man (you can also buy it on the websites for Barnes & Noble and Amazon) and use the tips and advice in it to make him yours — but stop the course you’re on right now. It will push him away.

I hope that helps. I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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