[Anonymous]

Currently I am dating a girl and our relationship has been perfect so far until now. Over the past couple days she has mentioned to me that she wants to join a sorority at our university but she knows about my dislike and past experiences involving sororities at my university. My previous girlfriend of 4 1/2 years was a member of a sorority and cheated on me one night when she was drunk (at least I know of 1 time, could be more). This past semester, my current girlfriends roommate decided to pledge a sorority. During her pledge period she also cheated on her long term boyfriend. My freshman year at school, I saw countless sorority pledges cheat on their boyfriends left and right. All of these past experiences have turned me off of sororities. I tried to compromise with her and told her to wait until next fall semester and hopefully I will be over any problems I have but she is set on joining them this upcoming spring semester. I have told her about my feelings about sororities and that her pledging may have a negative impact on our relationship. Do you have any advice for me?

Thank You

[Anonymous]

I know you don’t want to hear this but you are going to have to trust her. Its not really fair to judge her by those girls. You either trust her or you don’t. I was in a sorority and I never cheated. I would hate to think that my college experience would have been ruined because my boyfriend was being insecure about me joining and I didn’t. I made life long friends from my sorority as well as job connections. If your relationship can’t survive it, then its just not meant to be. But…. to your defense, I can see that you didn’t fall in love with a partying sorority girl and maybe you can foresee problems that she cannot.You can’t worry about it, what will be, will be. You have told her how you feel and I doubt seriously you are going to change your mind about it in a year from now. Also, being in a sorority is not all fun and partying, it can be very demanding at times. Sometimes girls have an idea about what they think it will be like but once they pledge ,they end up dropping out. You never know what will happen and it will suck if you spend your time and energy worrying about it. One last thing…anyone can cheat, anywhere, anytime they don’t have to join a sorority.

[Ask April Masini]

You have two choices. The first is to express your feelings to your girlfriend, which you have already done, and then allow yourself to see what happens. It’s impossible to control people. Ultimately, they do what they want to do, and it’s entirely possible that this girlfriend is different than your past girlfriend who cheated on you during a sorority pledge. Not all women cheat, and not all women who pledge sororities cheat. Cheating is, however, prevalent, and it’s something we all have to deal with if not in our own personal lives, then in our friends’ or family members’ lives. I know your past experience of being cheated on hurt your feelings deeply, but this girlfriend may not cheat on you. Since you [i]can’t[/i] make her [b]not[/b] join a sorority, you [i]can[/i] see what happens next when she does. I know it’s hard to not control life, but it’s really the only way to live healthfully.

The other option you have is to avoid all women who join sororities. There is nothing wrong with knowing yourself well enough to understand what makes you anxious. Realizing that all women who join sororities cause you anxiety because of your past experience with a sorority girlfriend cheating, may help you avoid this kind of woman. You may end up saving yourself a lot of wasted time by choosing women who fit your criterion for Ms. Right. If you realize that avoiding sorority girls is one way to avoid wasting dating time, then you’re ahead of the game!

I hope this helps. 🙂

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