[confused_forever]

Im in a relationship since past 6 years and I am now engaged to him. his name is H.
before I started dating H, I was dating an old friend of mine Z who liked me a lot since several years and we were good friends.
My relationship with Z was not good, after a few good months he started to ignore me and focus on his friends.. he never had any time for me.. after constantly feeling like the last option and a useless item in his life I decided to leave him..
shortly after it I met H as we were college friends and started talking.. we didn’t rush into the relationship..
Z came back apologizing to me and I clearly told him that I did not want to be with him..
in these 6 years ive has fights with H on various matters but they were all solved and we got back to being happy.
in april, H and I had a big fight over a matter and at that sensitive time Z messaged me.. as we were good friends and dating history was very old I decided to talk to him as a friend as I don’t really have friends.
we started talking more and got close.. in june matters with H were resolved and we were again happy.. I told Z that I cant talk to him and I left.. few weeks later Z messaged me again and said we could just talk on texts as he misses the company.. I said okay.
after that things in my relationship were good and I kept telling Z that I have to go soon cause im getting married and this is just wrong.. a mutual friend of ours who doesn’t live in the same country came over and we decided to meet for coffee.. ( Me, Z and the friend) after the coffee z told me that he never dated anyone in those six years because he never moved on and he wants to me with me .. and he will look for a job and ask me to marry me..
I was beyond shock and felt extremely guilty. I am happy with my fiancé. he is a wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. there was a rough patch but I never wanted to be away from him but whatever my ex told me has made me extremely guilty. ive been crying non stop because I feel extremely sad that I have made him to sad in life..
what do u suggest I do..
I love H a lot and I want to marry him but I occasionally miss z too.. but I don’t want to marry him..
z wants to meet me for the last time too.. what do u suggest I do..
im nearing a nervous breakdown, constantly talking sleeping pills and crying. I haven’t even eaten properly. please help

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you?

How old are these two guys?

Let me know because this will help me advise. you. 😀

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[confused_forever]

I am 23 years old. My fiancé (h) is 24 years old, has finished education and is currently working.
Z my ex is 27 years old and is still doing bachelors and jobless.
please feel free to ask as many questions as you like.. im stuck in the pit of depression and I cant get out.. stopping contact with z makes me feel like I will miss him and I would make him sad.. the guilt of it.. and staying is no good..
I am not sure what makes me happy anymore in life. due to depression ive left everything I once enjoyed. trouble sleeping,eating..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for letting me know your ages. What this tells me is that you’ve been with your fiance since you were 17 years old, and now you’re now 23 — and you probably don’t have a lot of dating experience under your belt. This may be why you’re clinging to your relationship with H, because he represents your freedom, and your ability to date other people. It sounds like you’ve been unwilling to let go of that relationship, and it really sounds like you’re not ready to get married. If you were, you’d want to be loyal to one man, and what’s making you depressed is that you don’t feel that way and you know that that’s really what marriage requires — and is about. 😳 You shouldn’t feel you have to let go of other men — you should want to. When you don’t, either he’s not Mr. Right, or you’re not ready. Or both.

You have a fear of being single, which may be why you haven’t been since you were 17 — you’ve always kept these guys around, and you’re afraid to let go of your fiance because even though you know deep down that this marriage is not right for you now, you don’t want to be alone. It’s understandable that you’re depressed, but until you face the facts about what’s going on, and make some tough decisions and change your own behavior, you’re going to stay stuck. 🙁

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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