[singleinKorea]

I am currently working in South Korea and have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions and dating drama. I would like to ask if you could help me figure out an issue that I’ve been struggling with for about a year: Last year I met a guy around 3 months before my contract expired, and figured what the hell- I have three months left, might as well have some fun (hadn’t been romantically involved with anyone consistently up to that point). He told me that he was not looking for a relationship but that he was looking for someone he could hang out with and have fun with etc (FWB?) And since I was leaving I decided to go for it. About a month into it, we spoke about the fact that I was to leave in 2 months, and he seemed totally shocked and perplexed that I was leaving. He asked if I would consider staying on for another year, and I said if I could get a better job (I’m an English teacher) then I’d consider it. So started the job applications and so on- I told him that if I didn’t get the first job I applied for, then that would be a sign that I should leave. As luck would have it, I didn’t get the first job and when I told him that he encouraged me to keep looking. Which I did….and got the second job I applied for- at first he was excited that I was staying, but then he kind of disappeared. I couldn’t understand what caused the change in him, and called him out on it. To which he reminded me that he had said he didn’t want a relationship and that he thought I was cool with it- I wasn’t. I had just signed up for one more year in Korea, for a guy I had no guarantee of. But the contract was signed and I am not someone who backs out of contracts. So I told him that I couldn’t see him anymore, and thought that I’d be able to move on. I went home for a couple of weeks and during that time, we were texting each other, each blaming the other for the breakdown of our fling. When I returned I let him know that I was back (why??) and it seemed as if we were going to try it out again. Then he had to go home on a family emergency, and after that I went on vacation and we just didn’t get to see each other- but we were still texting each other. We eventually saw each other around February this year, and as always enjoyed each others company, had a fantastic time. Then came time to go home and because I had decided that I was finally done with him, I made it clear that I wasn’t leaving with him. He became real quiet, looking vulnerable, and asking me to go with him. Me being the sucker that I am, went with him and found myself once again confused. after that I cut him off and stopped myself from contacting him. Until he started contacting me again- first as a friend, then wanting to see me. I had gotten pretty strong by then and refused. He then started pursuing me and on numerous occasions tried making plans to see me, and I just kept on refusing. In my refusing I started to get really angry, because I thought he obviously just wants to get into my pants again and I valued myself a lot more than just a friend with benefits. And I told him that- in less than friendly terms- to which he retaliated. I thought for sure this was it and that we would never see each other again. BUT then I started thinking about him, and missing him and wondering if I had made a mistake. I was also sad that things ended that way, and wanted to clear the air once and for all… so I suggested that we see each other one last time to end things properly…I thought a grown up lunch and a chat. he agreed to it, but instead of going to lunch- he cooked for us (in all the time that I know him,this was the first time he did this) and we spent the afternoon watching movies and talking- about nothing and everything (always the case when we get together). Then came time for me to leave and he asked me to stay…again I didn’t have the courage to say no, so I stayed over. I’m convinced that he cares for me, and I know that I am still in love with him- but perhaps it really is time to call it quits?? I need to hear from you guys, as my friends are not objective enough to give me the advice that I need.

[Ask April Masini]

You are confused. He is not. 😳

You keep making the same mistake over and over. You’ll probably keep doing it, too, until you finally realize that you’re so ultimately miserable, you don’t want to date a guy who isn’t going to give you what you want (a monogamous relationship that involves a commitment), and who’s clear that he’s not going to give you what you want. Then, and only then, will you move on. 🙁 Until then, you’re going to stay on this crazy roller coaster and wonder why he isn’t someone you want him to be, and why you’re so confused. It’s not confusion — it’s denial. Have a strong cup of coffee and decide to get what you want in life. Read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who need help in finding, getting and keeping Mr. RIght — you can buy it as an automatic download at this link or on the websites for Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com.

There’s no confusion here — just lack of discipline. Drink your latte, read the book, and wise up! 😉

I hope this helps – and that you’ll let m know how things go. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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