[Happiercanine]

I have a problem, forgive me if this is hard to read as I’m speaking from my heart. I’ve been seeing an older guy for around 2 months now and we’ve been getting on like a house on fire. He always used to text me first and ask me to come around on the weekends. He held our conversations well and always use to ask me questions. I could tell he was really interested in me.

Fast forward to now recently, one evening we started to discuss the foundations of our relationship without actually saying we were together but he wanted me to be more committed to him. After our time together his texting changed and he wouldn’t text me so much making me ask him things to keep the conversations going.. he hardly texted me and I was starting to feel as if he was loosing interest in me. I asked to meet him in person as texting was becoming uncomfortable and when we did he seemed to be a whole different person, he was the first to show affection and constantly told me that he missed me.. he again held all are conversations and seemed to always have something to say to me.

I’m home again and he’s showing the same signs he did before. I told him I have feelings for him and he told me he’s happy I told him where I stand and that we should take things slowly. He never texts unless I text him first and says he’s been out doing things. I’ve fallen in love with him but don’t know if I’m wasting my time chasing him.

Jordan

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since it’s only been two months…. you have to loosen up and not put pressure on the relationship, while at the same time figure out if you both want to continue seeing each other. You’re still just getting to know each other and there will normally be ebbs and flows in any relationship, but because this is new, he may be losing interest or this may just be slowing down naturally. In general, if someone wants to see you and be with you, you’ll know it because they’ll make the effort. So, if you want to see him, why not ask him out to do something — like have dinner or see a concert or go holiday shopping…. that way he’ll know you’re interested, and you’ll get a yes or a no from him in response to your offers, and those responses will give you a good clue as to just how interested he is. 😉

Texting can be misleading because while it gives you instant gratification of communication, it isn’t the same as being together and you can’t base a relationship on texts. In general, just use the texts to make plans or give short snippets of information, but not to talk about feelings…. save those for in person or on the telephone when you can interact in real time, together. I hope that helps. 😉

[Sally]

It’s confusing when a guy is warm in person but cool over the phone. But honestly, this doesn’t sound like him losing interest. It sounds like a man who likes you, but gets weird when things feel “real.” Some people are great face-to-face and terrible at texting. Some pull back a little after commitment is mentioned because it makes them nervous, not because they don’t care.
The way he is with you in person affectionate, talkative, saying he misses you that’s the real version of him. The texting stuff is just him not knowing how to balance his feelings and his space.
You’re not crazy for falling for him. Just don’t chase him. Let him meet you halfway. If he wants something real, he’ll show up again in the ways that matter, not just on your phone.

[Tara]

He’s giving you exactly what he wants: the thrill without the effort, the affection when it’s convenient, and the emotional distance whenever he feels like it. You’re chasing him like a dog chasing a bone, hoping the scraps of attention he throws your way mean more than they do. Falling in love with someone who consistently leaves the emotional labor to you isn’t romance, it’s self-torture.

He wants control without commitment. He wants affection on his terms. He wants to be desired without actually reciprocating consistently. And you, by texting first every time and chasing his presence, are letting him set the pace and the rules.

The cold, hard truth is you’re wasting your time, attention, and emotions on someone who’s already decided you’re optional. Stop chasing. Stop rationalizing. Either he steps up and shows consistency, or you walk. Anything else is just prolonging your heartbreak.

[Member]

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