[Lonely_Girl]

There’s this guy at my church who plays the guitar. I have a small crush on him, but I tend to stare often at him since I find him very attractive plus he’s right on stage so it’s sort of difficult to not look in his direction. I’ve noticed him looking back at me a few times, or at least it looks like he’s looking in my direction. One time when I sat closer to him, we made eye contact, and he kept staring at me for a few seconds. It was too intense for me so I couldn’t look back or even do something like smile. Also, usually before the worship service starts, the chorus and the band gather in a prayer circle. In one of these instances when he was in the prayer circle, he was standing with his back to me, but I suppose he felt me staring at him so he looked quickly at me then turned away. Thing is I would like to know if he’s looking at me because he also likes me back? Or do I actually creep him out? I’m wondering if he’s just trying to catch me in the act? I did notice he’s been walking by my row before the service begins (not right by me though, just by the area where I’m sitting). I’m assuming to take a leak before getting back on stage (sorry for being blunt). What do you think? Does it seem like I have a chance with him? Or does he think I’m a freak? I’m a little dense when it comes to this kind of stuff (haven’t dated in a long while so I’ve completely lost my touch) so any advice you can provide would be great. Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

All your questions don’t mean a thing unless you talk to him. 😉 I’m not sure how old you are, but if you like a guy, you should let him know by flirting with him. Men like to chase after women — but they like to know there’s something to chase. Your giving him a hint by complimenting him, offering up some small talk, or smiling, flirtatiously are all great ways to get things going. If you try flirting with him and he responds, you’ll have fewer questions about whether or not he likes you, because you’ll know. 😉

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[Lonely_Girl]

Thanks for replying! That sounds good, but see I have big problem. See, I actually have a facial scar. It’s not big, not a gash, and it’s on the peripheral of my face but it’s still noticeable from up close. I usually wear makeup but even then you can still see it because of its shape. That’s why I haven’t bothered to approach him or something. I’m so scared that once he sees the scar, I’ll scare him away. This actually depresses me. Because I’m too scared of taking a chance out of fear of how he will judge/perceive me due to the scar but then again, I don’t know whether he’ll be more accepting and actually turn out to be the love of my life. What would you do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you let your fears run your life, you’ll be staying in the house along for a long, long time. 😮 Whether it’s fear of rejection because you have a facial scar or because you have an unseeable emotional scar, letting your fears rule you is a mistake. Believe it or not EVERYONE has at least something about their body or their behavior that they don’t like — whether it’s their height, their hairline, their nervousness, their stutter — and my advice is to always focus on what is good! In other words, if you have a facial scar that bothers you, wear a cute skirt that shows off your great legs! Or if you’re working on losing weight, until you do, polish your flirtation and charm!

In a nutshell, my advice is to fix what you can, and accept what you can’t fix — and get out their and enjoy life. If he rejects you because of your scar, then find someone who loves you in spite of your scar! 😉

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[flogma]

Absolutely with you it agree. Idea good, I support.

[Lonely_Girl]

I like your advice, April, and thanks! All I have left to say is that I’ve been through counseling already, and it’s still difficult to deal with this. People give me weird stares all the time. It’s very difficult to walk around with my head held high and without fearing that someone will give me weird look because I always encounter someone who will do that.

Another note, well I saw him again last night and noticed that he’s trying really hard to avoid looking at me altogether. He’ll give me a glance here and there but not much. I sat closer to the stage and almost in front of him this time just to see if we could connect somehow being that the last time we made eye contact I didn’t even so much as smile. Now he’s even positioning his body away from my direction. So now I wonder if he’s repulsed by the way I look because of the scar or if he finds me annoying? I wanted to see if I could approach him somehow when he’s off stage but I don’t know anymore. I’m trying not to even notice him but it’s hard to do that when he’s front and center on the stage. I mean, where else am I going to look? That’s how I noticed him in the first place! So, now I’m not sure I can try to talk to him since he seems to be trying really hard to avoid me. Since I like this church a lot, I’ve decided to not stop going just because of this one guy. It’s hard to find a church that totally accepts everyone. Plus so many people go there that no one notices when I am there LOL (well except for this guitar player haha). All of this guessing back and forth makes me want to give up entirely on love forever! 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like you took my advice. 😳 If [u]you[/u] don’t change your behavior, you’re going to stay in the same situation. 😉

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[Lonely_Girl]

I understand that, but is there a way to tell by his body language whether he’s interested? I’m going by the signals he’s giving off. From my perspective, his avoiding making eye contact with me indicated disinterest. I wouldn’t approach him if that were the case. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re being a coward! 😮 Flirting costs you so little in terms of energy — and the amount of time you’re spending simply [i]wondering[/i] if he’s interested, is being wasted. 😉 If you want to know specifics about body language, then you should buy and read [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], a book I wrote for women who want to win the dating game. I have a lot of information in there about body language. Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s an automatic download, and only $8.99, so you can buy it and read it this weekend.

Flirting with him is the most effective, efficient way to find out if a guy likes you — because it gives him the opportunity to flirt back, chase after you and ask you out on a date. If you’re not willing to invest that energy in this guy, and keep [i]creating [/i]obstacles for yourself — like your scar, not wanting to flirt unless his body language is indicating success — and honoring your fear instead of living your life and focusing on what you want, and not your fear — you’re going to be stuck in this rut for a long time.

You’ve asked me if he’s interested, and I’ve told you how to figure this out by flirting and talking with him — and you’ve put road block after road block here. I can only help you if you want to make changes in YOU! 😀 If you don’t, then I can’t help you. 😉 I hope you’ll decide that YOU are worth the effort.

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