[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I’ve been friends with this guy for about 3 months, and he wanted to start dating me within the first month. He was really nice, and wanted to be with me all the time. I had to change provinces for 3 weeks so we mainly texted each other for the majority of our dating. About 3 weeks into the dating stage (which was not exclusive), he decided to break it off with me cause he was saying he wanted to be single. I was going through a very emotional phase in my life, and had used him as a shoulder the entire time. So I can understand how much strain I had put in our friendship (texting him everyday, etc). Anyway, when I came back home, we started hanging out again. We then became friends with benefits, as he was denying having feelings for me (which I had developped by this time). This occurred for about 3 weeks. Then he left for a vacation, for a week to Mexico. When he came back, it was like he had totally changed. He said that while on vacation, he thought about me a lot and missed me. This confused him. This is when he told me he wanted to date me again. This time, however, it was exclusive. Everything was cool for 12 days. I met his dad, met his friends, and he was always touchie feelie with me. Wanted to be with me all the time, and gave me compliments daily about my looks and how much he liked me. I could tell by the way he looked at me (I would also catch him staring at me a lot), that there was something there. Then, a couple days ago, we got into an argument, and I made the mistake of telling him that he doesn’t even know how many people are telling me to dump him, cause he’s not treating me right. I regret saying this, but I was mad at him. Anyway, he got really upset about this, saying that maybe I should dump him, and that what are these people going to think of him if he meets them. That is when he told me he wanted to be single again, and that we had no chemistry. Does he have real feelings for me? Is he playing mind games with my emotions? Do you believe he will come back to me? I should probably mention that he has been divorced for 1.5 years and his wife is the one that left him. He blames himself for the end of the marriage as he told me he was treating his wife like shit. He also has HSP (high-sensitive person).

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think he’s playing games with you. I think he’s not sure what he wants. It’s not personal. He’s not trying to use you or play you, but he is figuring things out, and not that gracefully. It’s always a lot easier to date someone who has a good idea of what they want in a relationship and from a partner. He’s not there. And maybe you’re not, either.

I think he probably will come back to you, but it sounds like the two of you are both hyper sensitive and not really sure what you want in a partner, so while figuring it out, you set each other off easily. This is going to create some volatility.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

Well, since sunday, we started hanging out again. We have decided to remain friends, but we had sex a few times this week. He still acted like we were dating cause he was very clingy and kissed me a lot. However, yesterday, we met to go out to a dinner theatre together and he changed his behaviour once again. That’s when he told me that he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore and just wanted to be friends. I still have feelings for him so it hurt. Anyway, we went out to the bars after the dinner, with some friends. We danced all night, and while dancing, he kept pulling me towards him to grind. Eventually, by the end of the night, he kissed me. When this happened, I looked at him weird as it felt like he was leading me on. He apologized, but then we kissed again for the remainder of the song. He eventually walked me home and decided to stay over for the night. He said he didn’t want to have sex and wanted to sleep. He said he associates emotions with sex and that is the reason he doesn’t want to do it anymore. This morning, he got up and put his clothes on. Just before leaving, he cuddled with me for a few minutes before kissing me and leaving for the day. We got into another argument later because he didn’t want to spend time with me (I was sick and I asked him to hang with me and he said he didn’t want to cancel his plans). I feel as if he owes me cause I have cancelled my plans to be there for him a couple weeks ago, and I feel like he’s being inconsiderate when I need him. I also feel like he’s giving me mixed signals all the time. One day I feel like he likes me, and other days, it feels like he doesn’t. I’ve been feeling like he’s pulling away lately, but when I distance myself from him, he gets closer to me. He told me today he wanted some space. I’m sick and tired of being treated like crap. He’s there for me only when it’s convenient for him. I find him to be very selfish and I’m seriously starting to think that he’s an emotional abuser. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

I should mention that I asked him today why he kissed me last night on the dancefloor, and he said it was because I made him horny (due to the grinding), and that he was drunk and should have had better judgement. Is he trying to be a jerk? I know he would have kissed me even if he was sober. He kissed me yesterday before the dinner theatre when I first saw him, and again this morning before leaving. I don’t get it!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’re “sick and tired of being treated like crap”….then stop seeing him. 😯 It’s really that easy. He’s all over the map, but so are you. My suggestion is that you read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s going to help you find, get and keep a guy who’s Mr. Right — not Mr. Right Now (off and on).

I hope you take my advice so you get some clarity. See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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