[Marisagirl101]

My boyfriend and I both admit we are jealous people . He has asked to not talk to a few guys because he finds them threatening . I respect this and do not talk to these guys . Well he has a friend that I would like him not to talk to . This girl has fingered herself in his bed (while we were dating and did not have anyone’s permission to do so) and she also has sent him inappropriate pictures . I recently asked him not to speak to her and he said he would not . I also asked him if it was okay to tell her I didn’t like her . He said I could as long as I did not say anything more . I messaged her and said ‘hi this is Marisa . I’m just letting you know that I dont like you very much and kaden will not be speaking with you anymore’ she responded with a very nasty message calling me a bitch and a whore and telling me my boyfriend can do much better then me . I have a very bad temper so this really set me off . I sent her a message back saying that before she calls me a bitch and a whore she should look at herself and I listed the things she’s done . (the things I said before) . She called me more names and said more rude things . We went back and forth for about 15 messages and then she posted on his Facebook wall “awe come on kaden! You can do better then this. She’s a bitch. I love you (:” . Before I thought about it I commented “hey whore ! Back the fuck up” I know shouldn’t have done this because all his family could now see it and they did . He found out about our argument and I let him read all of the messages . Here is where I really need advice . My boyfriend did not get mad at her at all . He was very mad at me though to the point where he threatened to leave me . He told me he could not be mad at her for defending herself . I known said something first but I didn’t attack her first . I thought I was defending myself . Then he went and messaged her and told her I was sorry . Which I am not . What really gets me is that he didn’t stand up for me (after she called me those things) and he didn’t stand up for our relationship (after she said he could do better) . Please help me 🙁 it really hurts that he was only mad at me and didn’t stand up for me . What do I say to him about it to make him see that he should he mad at her too . I mean she was the one that posted things on Facebook for everyone to see . Is he right in his thinking or am I ? What should I say ? What should I do ? Please help me !!! Thank youu

[Anonymous]

You were definitely in the right. Not only did he not respect you as his girlfriend, but he supported someone and their actions that were disrespectful to you.

Upon speculation, you might even conclude that he has feelings for her, or that he has a stronger relationship with her. Honestly, you really should rethink your relationship. He shouldn’t have been threatening to leave you over this. He should have been on your side.

[Anonymous]

get rid of him! something isn’t right when a guy takes another woman’s side over his girlfriends, right or wrong.
there is obviously something going on between the two of them. either it is ongoing or he is interested in getting something started. end it now while you still have a little bit of pride left. he’s not worth it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m still stuck on the comment you made:

[quote]This girl has fingered herself in his bed (while we were dating and did not have anyone’s permission to do so)….[/quote]

Are you kidding? 😯 Seriously? She had to get permission? Really?? In what form — a note? 😯 His permission? Yours? I’m not trying to be facetious here — I’m really asking. If a girl gets into your boyfriend’s bed, and I assume he’s in it, also, and she does something sexual — shouldn’t you be upset at[i] him[/i]?

In fact, all of your concerns about her or other people interfering in your relationship should never be addressed with those third parties. Ever. They should be between the two of you.

It sounds like there are problems between the two of you that allow someone like this to get in between you. In fact, if she did what you said she did in his bed, and he was in it, don’t you think that’s a warning sign that he’s not that interested in you? Clearly, he doesn’t make you feel safe in a relationship and this last episode has become public and ugly. His being mad at you and not standing up for you — in spite of your own mistakes in behavior — really show that he’s not as invested in your relationship as you want him to be. In fact his messaging her with your apology spells it out loud and clear — he felt you did something wrong.

Nobody here did anything wrong — they just let you down. Your expectations weren’t met. You want him to be someone he’s not. It’s a lot easier to blame people and point fingers and judge right from wrong, but the harder thing to look at is that he’s not as interested in your relationship as you want him to be — and that hurts. 😳 Reconsider your commitment. I don’t think he’s going to make you happy, and if you stay together this issue of third parties coming between the two of you is going to get worse.

Let me know if that helps and how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

[Member]

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