[Anonymous]

::signhelp::

ive been dating a man for almost two years now and for the last six months weve been on and off because of bad commumicatiom, etc. He told me he would wait for me because he knew I was who he wanted to be with and he continued to call and pursue me as if nothing changed. Eventually he got tired of trying and gave me an ultimatum so I took him back after realizing that I love him and was ready. Then he said that distance really pulled us apart communication wise and asked for a little space himself…so we went a month of just speaking once a week and time to ourselves. Eventually we came back together but kept breaking up over dumb arguments due to our lack of communication. Last weekend we talked for four hours and let all our feelings out, he asked me to move in with him, hed pay all the bills and he just wanted to show me how committed he is to us. Explained how everything he does is for us( he works alot and sometimes I feel neglected but I understand because he still struggles financially) we got back together and he made me promise to stick it out when things get hard , stop running away and relax..stop trying to sabotage us by always finding problems in our relationship and I agreed.

Tuesday he called and said he would hit me up later after work (he works till midnight at a restaurant, often works double shifts) but never did so I txted him just tellng him when he doesnt call when he says hes gonna, I get worried. Since then he has been ignoring me and today makes five days. Is it over? Weve both ignored each other before if we were really upset or needed time but after our talk saturday and him asking me to move in( hes asked before and even proposed before) im confused that he could walk away so easily. What do I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It would have helped to have known your ages, 😳 but based on what you’re writing, I’m guessing you’re both in your late 20s or 30s. And if your relationship is flagging after two years of dating, and has been for the last six months, it sure sounds to me like it’s dying a painful death.

If he’s proposed to you, and you’ve said no, then I don’t understand why you’re staying in the relationship. You mentioned that you’re scared that he could walk away so easily, but it sounds like that isn’t the case at all, from what you’ve written. He seems to have stuck it out in spite of your refusal to marry him or live with him. Now he’s beyond discouraged.

Whatever kept you from agreeing to marry him is probably the reason you should move on. Eventually, one of you is going to provoke a fight that will cause the final break up, but you can avoid that drama if you accept that this isn’t working and it’s time for you both to move on and find your respective Mr. and Ms. Rights. 🙁

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

Well I was 22 when he proposed and I was not ready mentally or financially for marraigeor to live with anyone although now I have graduated from college and have a good job I feel like I can grow with him. Hes older so was always more ready for a stable relationship. Do you think I should no longer contact him? I would have liked for him to atleast give me some closure before leaving[list=][/list]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both now?

[Anonymous]

I am 23 he is 26. I was 21 when we got together so really wasnt ready for marraige.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Some people are ready for marriage in their 20s and some, not until they’re 40 or even 50. The age difference is less of an issue than an incompatibility — which is what you two have had. He’s been ready to get married in his early to mid-20s, and you’re not. There is no right or wrong in either one of your thinking, but he’s looking for a Mrs. and you’re not ready to be that woman he wants.

This doesn’t mean there isn’t love and that there wasn’t good intention — it just means he wants a wife and you don’t want to be a wife. So he’s moving on. The way he did it is really neither here nor there. You can dissect his behavior and try to find clues that you were “right” and he was “wrong” or that he said one thing and did another, but the bottom line is that he’s done and he’s getting out of the relationship with you so he can find someone compatible.

I know you want closure, but he doesn’t. Accept what’s happened and view it as a gift. Rejection helps guide us towards those who are right for us. When we’re lucky enough to find someone who says, you’re not for me, rather than get upset, be happy you’re not going to waste time with someone who will never be what you want and who will never find in you what he wants.

So, yes, move on, and forget looking for closure from him. Use what you’ve learned from this relationship to date at a higher level (meaning more compatibility) next time around.

I hope that helps.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please re-post this new question in a fresh thread so that other people can respond to[b] Cocochanel9[/b] and she can post updates on the thread she started. I’m more than happy to answer your question in a fresh thread! 😀

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