[michaelcharles]

I’ve been seeing this girl for a couple months. We see each other on weekends and sometimes during the week. She’s super nice to me when we are together. She cooks for me, she laughs at my stupid jokes, initiates physical contact often and is very affectionate. We talk well; she is interested in what I say (or good at faking it) and she uses the word we and has made some references to the future (nothing like ‘we’re going to get married’–much simpler stuff). Sexual chemistry is good, I’m really happy and unless she’s faking in the bed too I think she is taken care of. However, she does not contact me often and from time to time she will not contact me for days on end. For example she did not contact me on Easter Sunday to wish happy Easter or contact me today. On one hand, I get it. She can be busy, playing hard to get etc etc– and that’s intriguing I guess. But, honestly I’m not into it–I like to have a balance between how much I pursue and how much she reciprocates. And I’m not a control freak so there is no chance I’m going to talk to her about how she needs to act to keep me around. All that being said, my question is: How many days is too long to wait to hear from her? At which point do I say: “ok, she hasn’t contacted me in X days and that is an indication of her commitment/interest; the next time she contacts me I’m just going to politely exit stage left…” Any input is greatly appreciated.

Best,
M

[Ask April Masini]

You’re creating a problem where there is none. Be the guy, and be the pursuer. You be responsible for contacting her in order to show your interest in her. I know you want her to contact you just as often as you contact her, but that’s your thing, and it’s not the norm. Don’t blow a relationship over this little quirk. Instead, accept that she wants you to do the contacting, and step up to the plate. It sounds like everything else is going so well in this relationship that it would be silly to blow things over this itsy bitsy problem. Take the high road, and do all the contacting. If things go well, and you end up married and living together, she’ll be in the next room making contact a breeze! 🙂

[michaelcharles]

I appreciate your input sincerely. I totally am taking in to consideration what you say, but I can’t help but remember that my own experiences tell me when a girl likes me she blows up my phone. That is so not the case here. Maybe I am wrong, but to more fully explain what I mean I should say this: I feel like her interest level is linked to her contact patterns and I think both are linked to her view of this relationship as casual. And I think she views this relationship as casual because she has a limited sense of permanence and stability in New York (where we live). In fact, she is moving (only about 45 minutes away) and she told me this without a reference to a precise date something like two weeks ago. I found out through a 3rd party update on facebook just yesterday that her move will be this weekend and there will be a party. I’ve yet to be invited, let alone contacted and told about the date she will move. Sorry to have not fully explained in the first post, but as you can see things are developing by the day. Does any of this change your response? Thank you so much.

M

[Ask April Masini]

Sorry — but it doesn’t change my response. It just indicates that if you want her, you’re going to have to step up your game. She’s not easy, and she’s not like the other girls you’ve dated. In fact, she sounds like someone who’s read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, for women who want to find and keep Mr. Right! If you want to read what I advise women, you can right here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

If you want her, work for her. If you don’t, do nothing, and it sounds like she’ll take your disinterest to heart.

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