[rmp94]

**Sorry in advance that this is long..**
So, my ex and I broke up about two months ago, but it wasn’t really official until a few weeks ago.

He and I grew up together, and so when we started dating a year ago it felt natural and everything was going great. We were best friends, and we hung out with each others families all the time. But then all of a sudden we both weren’t happy.

TO clarify, This is what I see was wrong: I was (am) living with someone that stresses me out and I don’t deal with it well. I try telling her things that are bothering me but nothing changes, so I would get stressed and vent and get angry talking to my boyfriend. My ex had been going to the Police Academy and had just graduated and was under a lot of stress with his new job, and it wasn’t going as well as he had hoped. He had been getting yelled at continuously and was told that he needs to have no distractions and buckle down and focus on work.

The week before my ex and I broke up, my period was late, and he got worried that there was a possibility that I could be pregnant, and he got worried. When we had out ‘break up talk’, he told me that he still loved me, and that he didn’t want this to be the end for us, but we both weren’t happy, and we were both stressed, and he had to focus on his job. He said that right now we needed to break up.

We still texted and hung out at least twice a week after this initial ‘breakup’, but slowly I started getting upset because to me I didn’t know if he wanted me as a friend or as a girlfriend. So, I got angry, and I texted him saying, I just wish you would say that you don’t want me so that I can move on and get past this hurt …and he did.

Even after I got that text from him, I still can’t get over the feeling that we could still be together. the thought of being with anyone else feels wrong, and the thought of him ever being with someone else makes me sick.

I guess I think that it was more outside factors that ended our relationship, like him struggling and trying to focus on his job to get the hang of it, and him feeling like if I had actually gotten pregnant he wouldn’t have been in a place to provide (new job, and since he had been attending the academy he had let his lease run out and is currently at home living with his dad), and I was getting angry with my living situation. (Also, I am continuously hearing that he is still struggling to get being a cop down, but he’s been out of the academy three months and is only 21..)

Am I holding onto false hope that some day it would work out between up, or is there some validity to my thinking? TIA

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re so upset and you’ve been through so much. 😳 I think you have a pretty good handle on what went wrong — you both had too much pressure on yourselves and the relationship for it to work out. You have a tough roommate situation that puts pressure on you so you were stressed when you were with your boyfriend, and he had a rigorous career vector that made it necessary for him to have no outside stress in order to focus on his work.

The way things are I do not think you should try to get him back and get the relationship back on track because nothing has changed. [b][i]However[/i][/b]…. if you’re willing to make things less stressful in the relationship by getting rid of your roommate who was creating stress for you that you brought to the relationship, and committing to not sharing things with him — like missing a period — so he can focus on what he wants to do to create a career, then there may be. He’s going into a high stress field, and if you’re the woman for him, then you have to understand and accommodate this lifestyle. You’re not interested in a kindergarten teacher. You’re interested in a guy who’s going to go into danger every day. He needs a particular type of partner. So, for instance, if you’re pregnant, tell him. But, if you’re just missing a period, don’t. In other words, there’s no sense getting back together to repeat the same dynamics that led to the break up, but if you’re willing to make changes, then there’s a possibility that this will work.

[Member]

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