Hello Arpil!
This is the second time I’m turning to you for advice. The first was only last month(we almost broke up because our friends broke up-thankfully we have moved on). Now, there is another thing that has been troubling us.
Around mid-February, my boyfriend and I had an argument about our sex life. According to him, he quite often felt like I wasn’t attracted to him and that, even if I was, I wasn’t showing it. From then on I have tried to be more expressive and I believe I’m improving. I must admit it’s not easy;I have low libido despite being only 20, whereas my boyfriend is the exact opposite. A bit more than a week ago I dared ask him if he was more satisfied and if I actually was becoming more expressive than before and he confirmed that things were getting better.
Then, we had an ‘accident’ on Saturday and, as a result, he has to get circumcised. The appointment for the surgery is set for tomorrow, Friday.
Last night he came over to my place and we ended up having sex. It was a bit strange and I was scared, but we made it work. This morning he tried to initiate again and I said ok as long as he would withdraw if I asked so. He was actually the one who suggested that!
Eventually I asked him to stop, he asked why, I said I was scared about him. Yet he kept going. I proceeded to ask him three more times before I sort of pushed him over. I told him not to do that again and he just rolled over and started getting dressed. I mimiced him as I had a class an hour later and told him to look at me. He didn’t. I reached to touch his back and said ‘don’t touch me’. The he muttered something about him not being able to handle him trying to guess how I felt. I asked if I could call later and he said no.
Now, here’s my issue. He has mentioned once before that I didn’t express my emotions and it was frustrating to him and I tried to be more open. But then he started to avoid the conflict that sometimes came when I spoke about negative feelings. As a result, I learnt to only express my positive feelings. Given this, how was I supposed to express my humiliation after what happened in the morning?(unfortunately I didn’t get to tell that to him. he always turns his back on me or leaves the house whenever conflict happens.)
I should also mention that he has a lot going on lately; he recently got his first job, he has a paper to write that he hasn’t even started and he has the surgery.
I feel like we have broken up. Should I try to call him in a couple of days since he has the surgery tomorrow? How can I get him to listen to me about my negative feelings?
Thank you in advance!
