[HumanLarvae]

This is pretty long and loaded. Been married almost six years, and have a 4 year old son with my wife. She is VERY jealous and controlling, and I have been COMPLETELY loyal to her this whole time, in fact I haven’t even been alone with another woman with the exception of carpooling to work. I can’t watch movies with female nudity in them, or even movies with scantily clad women. If I am watching a show on tv and a victoria secret commercial comes on, and I saw one of the models before I could look away, I get yelled at for it. I have gotten to where I follow all of her rules so I never look at other women, even on tv, and don’t watch movies I want to see because they might have sex or nudity or scantily clad women in it. To top it off, I never go anywhere or do anything with any friends, except on every blue moon when she says it is ok for them to come over. She has no friends and never socializes with anyone, with the exception of a few of her family members. My friend today asked if I wanted to go to a co workers birthday he was throwing for his wife, which I said no naturally because I already knew my wifes answer. I said he may be able to come over later. When I asked her she said no he couldn’t come over, if someone is to come over I need to plan it in advance, it can’t just be a phone call in advance. Then she went on that I always jump at the chance to spend time with someone else, but never spend time with her. She says I never romance her, or woo her, or act like I love her. The truth is I DO love her, but it is so hard for me to exist in a relationship where I can’t do anything or go anywhere, or spend time with anyone else without getting in a fight. Even if I ASK if I can the answer is no and we still get in a fight. What should I do, I am so tired of fighting, but I am also tired of putting up with it. Oh and when I do bring it up, she says I am being immature, dismisses how I feel, and just says well we can just get a divorce then.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re in a bad rut with your wife, and you have to change your own behavior to get out of the pattern you’re part of with her. Basically, you’re both at a stalemate, and one of you has to budge. I’m asking you to be the first to blink because you’re the one who’s written me. 😉

She’s asking to be romanced, and if that’s all it takes to make her feel good about herself and break this cycle, then my suggestion is to swallow your pride and get a babysitter and take her out for a romantic evening that ends with fabulous sex. Start treating her as a sex object and making her feel valued sexually. I bet she’ll loosen up and stop being so jealous.

See if that helps. I think she’s feeling like a full time mother, which sounds great in theory, but really isn’t very sexy, and she’s angry at the situation, and jealous that you have a life, and is afraid of losing you to the rest of the world while she’s stuck with toddler world, but she is taking it all out on you instead of your child or herself or expressing her unhappiness clearly and looking for her own solutions. The trick is to help her and guide her to explore other facets of herself — friend, lover, husband, gardener, chef, artist, career woman — whatever works for her. It’s easy for women with children to lose themselves in the sacrifice they give to their kids, and it isn’t easy on husbands — or the women themselves! But any oral direction you give her is going to be taken as criticism. She’s in this too deep. So you make the first move to dig both of you out of this.

See if you can help her out of this rut by making your sex life together a little hotter than it is. I think she’ll let go of her fear of being left behind a little, because clearly, you can’t go on like this. I know it’s going to take effort on your part — and hers — but try and break this pattern.

Let me know if that helps. And join me on Facebook. Here’s the link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts