[needit5555]

Hi April — need your advise.

I’m in a LDR. We are both over 26 y.o. We both have told each other we love each other. We both have time to talk (Chat, IM, tele, email) with each other at least once a day.

How often do you think is it reasonable for two people who love each other in an LDR to “talk”/stay in touch with each other, especially if both of them have time? What do you think is reasonable, multiple times a day, daily, weekly, etc.? Since being in love means both partners want to talk and be with each other frequently, does the frequency of wanting to staying in touch say anything about their relationship?

Thank you so much for your advise.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The frequency of staying in touch with each other in the course of a long distance relationship has to do with compatibility. There has to be a margin of agreement on what is right for both of you. If she wants to be in touch fifteen times a day and he wants to be in touch fifteen times a year, there’s going to be enough incompatibility to hinder the relationship. But if she wants to be in touch ten times a day and he wants to be in touch two times a day, maybe four times is a compromise, or more likely, some days there will be a lot of contact, and some days none. The important thing is that there is a [i]margin[/i] of compatibility.

The important thing to note with long distance relationships is that there has to be some in person contact — enough to make the relationship viable. If all your contact is via the internet and phone, and none is in person, you’ve got a bigger problem at hand.

I hope this helps — let me know how things go.

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[needit5555]

Hi April … thank you so much for the response. I think there is a lot of truth in what you are saying.

Here is the current situation…. my “love” has been out of the country for about 1 month visiting her family. During that time she contacted me twice, IMed me twice… to which I sent a brief Hi back. She will be returning from her trip by this weekend, it would be 16 days since I last heard from her. She has been out of the country before to visit her family but during that time we stayed in touch everyday. This time it is different.

Given what has happened, what should I do if she sends me an email, messages me, or calls me? How should I respond? Do I take it casually as nothing has happened and see what happens? I don’t think confronting her makes sense if this is her way of telling me that she wants her space, I’m more then happy to give it to her. What do you think? I want her to be happy and will be more then happy to step aside if she doesn’t feel it for me. She can also tell me she loves me and this doesn’t mean anything. I guess you know by now who the real love striken person is here, 🙂.

Thanks again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your questions really depend on how long you’ve been dating and what YOU want from the relationship. It also depends on how you’ve been pursuing her. Your questions are all about being responsive instead of being the pursuer. Take a look at the book I wrote for men who want to win with women called Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It will help you understand how to get the girl.

Let me know if that helps!

Please follow me, as well, @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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