[aloma]

Hi April,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. He’s 25 and I’m 24. I’m finished my degree and I’m working and he’s continuing his studies and his classmates are about 6 years younger than him. He is the type of guy who is against “affairs” and games in a relationship.

But, he tends to be secretive with his cellphone and his PC, that even when he needs to use the bathroom, he brings his phone with him and turns off his computer. One time, he left his cellphone while I was taking a bath and he was knocking and I sensed panic in his voice and tone. I didn’t do anything to his phone. I did not have any intentions of reading it at all. I mean I don’t have anything to hide from him so he can use my computer and my phone anytime. I just think it’s kind of unfair that I feel like he’s hiding something from me. But sometimes I just forget about it and just consider his right to his own privacy.

Anyway, on to the meat of the matter, last Saturday, we went to a party. One of his classmates, Peter, and I were looking at some pictures on facebook when this girl starts to message Peter and asks if my boyfriend was there at the party. Peter replied, yes. And then asks if I’m there. I was kinda pissed off with that question because we’ve never been introduced officially but we’ve been to the same party last month. I was also with my boyfriend during that time. Peter replied, yes, she’s here. I didn’t bother reading what her next reply was because it was uncomfortable. Why would she care if I was with my boyfriend that night..

I really want to open up to my boyfriend about that but I do not know when and how to begin. I was looking for the right timing yesterday but I just couldn’t open it up with him even though it was really bothering me. I was afraid that he would become defensive and would interpret it as me attacking him.

I also saw a picture of my boyfriend with that girl in his camera before. But I have seen this girl in so many other pictures with even more flirtatious poses with other guys. I’m not sure. I think I have clues but I can’t put them together to make a conclusion.. first is him being secretive with his phone and computer, then the girl messaging about him and me, and the picture of them together.. I might just be paranoid but I’m also thinking about the possibility. Knowing him, the girl isn’t really his type and he doesn’t like young girls (she’s 19) because he doesn’t want to babysit at some occasions. Or maybe this girl is just flirtatious and super friendly. One thing I’m sure of is that she’s attracted to my boyfriend because a friend tipped me that she wrote “Here’s my confession, I don’t just want you to love me, I wanna be your obsession” and it was meant for my bf.

I’m really confused.. but what makes me think that he’s not doing anything wrong is that fact that we still see each other everyday.. and he calls me when he’s free. Just yesterday, he cooked dinner and made dessert for us. He’s still sweet, and his humor and energy hasn’t changed a bit. Help..? 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have reason to believe that your boyfriend is flirting, but it sounds from what you’ve written that he’s being loyal to you overall. There are always going to be women who find him attractive and flirting can be harmless and healthy as long as everyone is clear on the limits.

I think you should focus on the fact that your relationship with him is good and that he has a private life that includes some flirting, but that it’s harmless because he sees you every day.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

And join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[aloma]

Come to think of it, yes, he’s still loyal to me after all.. But I was wondering if I should ask him about the girl or not.. I mean, I respect his privacy, but I already know about it anyway because of unavoidable situations. Will it bring awkwardness on his part? In general I’m okay with the situation now, realizing that he’s still the romantic guy that I met 2 years ago.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s a difference between mentioning the girl you saw on his camera and … [i]grilling him about a girl you saw on his camera while you were going through his things to double check your paranoia about his impending flirtations that are clearly going to tank this relationship! [/i] 😆 In other words, it’s okay if you mention the cute girl he took a picture with and flirtatiously ask him if you have anything to worry about (remember — he likes to flirt, so if you’re his best flirt then why should he go elsewhere?? 😉 ), just as long as you don’t become the kind of girlfriend who looks for problems that don’t exist — until she creates one. Get it? 🙂

Focus on the nice relationship you already have with your boyfriend and don’t pick at it if everything is fine — which it really sounds like it is.

Hope that helps.

So if you haven’t already, join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url] — and, I just opened a Twitter account, so you can follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom.

[aloma]

Hi April, sorry for the late reply..

Actually, I wasn’t going through his things. I’ve never done that to him. 😉 He was showing me some pictures in his camera then that picture suddenly appeared when he clicked next. 😆 He was embarrassed afterwards and acted awkward for a few mins. After that he stopped showing me pictures from his camera. That’s why I kinda questioned the situation. I’m just thinking too much haha. 😆 Looking at the big picture, every thing’s fine. I’m just not used to it but as you said there’s nothing really to worry about.

Thanks for responding! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad I could help. I hope things continue to go well and that these incidents become just blips on the radar with perspective.

Please follow me on Twitter where I post some of the most interesting relationship advice highlights daily @AskAprilcom (no dot!). You can also join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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