[lammyofficial]

i want to know if i made the right choice by ending the long distance relationship. because i am helping her change her life for 1 year an 7 months now and i havent seen any progress so i got fed up and end the relationship.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi there!

I see from your pre-posting questionnaire that she is 18 years old now, and you say you’ve been helping her change her life for a year and a half, and don’t see any progress. It’s much easier to choose someone to date that you don’t have to change. 😉 Changing someone else is tough. Changing yourself is a lot easier, so why not choose women who are compatible with you from the get go?! You’ll have a much happier and healthier time with them, and you won’t have to invest so much time pushing a boulder up a hill (only to have it roll back down). You did not make a mistake breaking up with her, and now, your challenge is to find someone who’s compatible and doesn’t need change. 🙂 I hope that helps!

[lammyofficial]

Omg, this is the best advice i have ever received… thank you so much..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[Sally]

Loving someone and trying to help them change can slowly turn into you carrying the whole relationship. A year and seven months is a long time to wait for effort that never really shows up. That kind of waiting wears you down, especially in long distance where hope is all you’ve got.

You didn’t end it because you didn’t care. You ended it because you were tired of being the only one pushing forward. That matters.
You can support someone, love them, believe in them… but you can’t live their life for them. And eventually, that starts to feel lonely instead of loving.

So was it the right choice? From the outside, it sounds like you hit your limit. That doesn’t make you cold. It makes you human.
Sometimes ending it is the moment you finally choose yourself.

[Tara]

Yes. You made the right choice, and you waited too long. You weren’t in a relationship; you were running a one-man rehabilitation program for someone who had no urgency to change. One year and seven months with “no progress” is not patience on your part; it’s proof that she was comfortable letting you carry her life while she stayed exactly where she was. People change when they must, not when someone else keeps propping them up.

It was never your job to fix her. The moment you became the driver of her growth, the relationship was already dead. Love is partnership, not unpaid labor. You didn’t abandon her; you stopped enabling stagnation. Ending it wasn’t cruelty; it was the only rational response to someone who showed you, over an extended period, that your effort was not going to be matched.

[Member]

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