[Anonymous]

Sept’13 I met a girl.She was in UK from America to live for a bit.Became close & kissed on 3 occasions.I was 21,inexperienced at dating,didn’t make intentions clear,missed chance.Told her how I felt 6 months in,she said timing isn’t right & we should stay friends & have fun friendship for now but “if it’s meant to happen in the future it will”.She went home to America end’14.Then until start of ’17 we remained very close & although we were in different countries there still felt to be a ‘spark’ when txting & Skyping.I helped her in tough times,even went to visit her start of ’15 & sent bday & xmas gifts.2017 she moved to Ireland for 2yrs.I thought we would pick up where we left off but relationship has taken nosedive.She never initiates communication & when we talk vibe is different,short answers,no questions,less emoticons,feel like the ‘spark’ is gone & lost interest.Met up 1 day in June as she was in the UK,I tried to make conversations fun but I was just getting flat vibe.She was mid breakup with guy she was seeing in Ireland for 2 months.Her background.No LTR for 10yrs (at 18 dated a guy for a yr).Since then,dated a few guys but nothing ever comes of it.Admitted to me she is quite prude & “gets bored of guys”.Despite others ‘failing’,always been me she comes back to for that spark & flirty chat, made me think I had a chance.Always been in my mind I will be the one in the end that wins,we had a great friendship that felt it could be built on.Now feels that bridge from friend to potentially more is broken.How do I go about fixing this? I know the worst thing to do is appear desperate & needy.Guess I am in a long term friendzone & she lost interest? Should I visit her in Ireland (I’d be staying with her)? How often should I text her? I want to be able to maintain a fun relationship with her like before where I feel I have a chance in the future if the opportunity arose.Just now,I feel the spark is gone,even the friendship spark.I used to feel I was special to her,now I feel I mean as much as any other guy.How can I lay the groundwork now & bide my time for a shot with her in future?

[Ask April Masini]

If you want to win her over, and do things differently — then you have to do [i]exactly that[/i]. The same old, same old is just going to land you right where you are now, on the perimeter of the friend zone. While there may have been a spark once, the romance is faded and that’s what you have to go for. Since she’s in Ireland and you’re in the UK, you’re not really that far away. Make the relationship a priority – not something you do when it’s convenient. Make a play to see her regularly — several times a month. And be attractive, sexy, successful and flirtatious when you’re with her. Be who she wants. Be the guy she’s proud to be seen with and wants to show off!

You should start by going to her, and if that goes well, invite her to come to the UK to see you. Dial up the sexy flirting, attention, and romance — and be the prince who sweeps her off her feet. Forget anything that is “friendly” and go for flirtatious, sexy “boyfriend material”. Take charge, romantically. It’s definitely a balancing act, but you can do it! And while there’s always a risk of rejection when you put yourself out there, away from the safety of the friend zone, unless you do take the risk, you’ll never know if you could have won, and you should play to win. When you do see her — flirt with her, compliment her appearance, hold hands, kiss, make out — be a hot boyfriend, not just a sympathetic ear. Bring her flowers, take her special places and be interested in her and what’s going on in her life, while at the same time, showing her what could be hers if she’ll date you. You have to make her want you, and not just show up as a friend. 😎 This friendly dynamic has been going on for years, and now that you’re 25 and she’s 28, and it’s important you don’t lose her to missed opportunities. Seize the day and relinquish the friend zone. Send her flowers and make plans to see her today. 😉

[Ethan Morales]

April Masini’s advice is very direct she frames your situation as a classic “long-term friendzone” scenario. The key points are:
The spark is gone in the current dynamic. You’ve stayed in a safe, friendly pattern for years, and that has dulled the flirtatious and romantic energy. Texts are shorter, she doesn’t initiate, and the vibe has changed. This isn’t necessarily about you failing as a person; it’s about the relationship dynamic being stuck.

You need a shift, not just maintenance. If your goal is a romantic relationship, keeping things “friendly” will not get you there. Masini’s advice is to pivot from being a supportive friend to being irresistibly attractive, flirtatious, and romantic essentially showing her what she’s missing by not dating you.

Proximity and presence matter. Since you’re relatively close geographically (UK ↔ Ireland), being physically present could reignite chemistry. Visits should be intentional and fun, not just “hanging out.” She needs to experience you in a romantic context again playful, confident, attentive, and flirty.

Balance is crucial. The danger is appearing desperate or needy, which would reinforce the “friend” role. Masini emphasizes showing her a desirable version of yourself, taking charge romantically, and demonstrating what life with you could be like.

Risk vs. reward. There’s a high-stakes element if you try to rekindle romance and she rejects it, the friendship may weaken further. But if you stay in the friend zone forever, you never get the shot. The advice is to actively “play to win,” rather than passively waiting.

Masini’s guidance is bold and action-oriented, which fits the “friendzone-to-romance” strategy. It’s not about doing more of the same, but showing her a new version of you confident, fun, and romantic. The key risks: you may hurt the friendship if she rejects your advances, and there’s no guaranteed payoff.
If you’re willing to take that risk and genuinely present the romantic, attractive side of yourself while maintaining boundaries, it could work. But if your priority is the long-standing friendship rather than potentially upsetting the dynamic, a slower approach rebuilding connection gradually and gauging interest may be safer.
In short: Masini’s approach is aggressive and “win or lose,” and it will work only if you are ready to shift the dynamic entirely.

[Heart Whisperer]

It sounds like this girl has held a very special place in your heart for a long time. There’s something tender and rare about a connection that spans years and distance like that, but it also sounds like you’ve been holding onto what the two of you used to be, not what you actually are now. That’s not a judgment, just an observation from someone who has done the same thing and learned how quietly love can shift when we aren’t looking.

Sometimes we build a story in our minds about “the one who always comes back,” and it becomes this comforting thread that keeps us hopeful. But when someone’s energy changes, when the spark starts to fade, it’s often because they’re moving into a new chapter and maybe, deep down, it’s time for you to do the same. It doesn’t mean what you had wasn’t real. It just means that the version of her you loved may not be the same version that exists today.

If you visit her, do it without expectation. Go as a friend, not as someone hoping for a second chance. If there’s still warmth between you, it will show itself naturally. But if you try to recreate the past, you’ll only end up chasing something that’s already moved on.

Don’t try to force the spark through constant texts or planned moments. Give her space to miss your energy. Real connection needs air to breathe. And in that space, start refocusing on yourself with new experiences, new people, and new places that remind you your story doesn’t end with her.

[James Smith]

Man, your story hit me right in the nostalgia. I once had a long-distance thing with a girl from Canada who swore she wasn’t ready for a relationship, but still called me every night just to hear my voice. I was convinced we were destined… until one day she stopped calling, and I realized the only person hearing my voice was me, rehearsing texts I’d never send 😂 So yeah, I know exactly what it feels like to be stuck in the friendzone with a flicker of hope that just won’t die.

Here’s the truth, buddy. When someone says “if it’s meant to happen, it will,” that’s usually code for “I like you, but not enough right now.” It’s not cruel, it’s just indecision dressed as destiny. You’ve done everything right: stayed supportive, kept the connection alive, even traveled for her. But sometimes the spark you’re trying to revive isn’t gone, it’s just one-sided.

If you visit her, do it for you, not to win her over. See it as catching up with an old friend, not proving your worth. People can feel when your energy is driven by hope instead of confidence, and that changes the dynamic instantly. Pull back just enough to make her wonder what your world looks like when she’s not the center of it.

So tell me, if she never feels the same way, do you actually want to stay in this emotional limbo, or are you ready to reclaim your spark for someone who’ll match it?

[Marcus king]

You’ve been carrying a torch for a long time, and it sounds like what once felt mutual has quietly shifted on her side. That “spark” you remember it’s probably tied to a moment in time when emotions, timing, and connection all lined up. But time changes people, and right now, she seems emotionally elsewhere.
If you chase that old energy, you’ll only push her further. Instead, step back not to play games, but to regain balance. Don’t visit her in Ireland; not yet. Let her miss your presence again. Text less, but keep things light and confident when you do. Rebuild your dynamic from a place of ease, not hope.
And most importantly, stop waiting for “someday.” If she ever feels that spark again, it’ll be because she sees you living fully not orbiting her. Sometimes the best way to create space for love to return is by no longer holding on to it.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you’re not “biding your time,” you’re waiting in a lobby she stopped checking into years ago 😩. i know it hurts but she’s not your unfinished story, she’s your old chapter. you’ve been her emotional comfort zone, not her choice. it’s gone because she moved on so give her space and give yourself a new main character moment. the one who’s meant for you won’t make you beg for a spark that used to exist. 💔✨

[Tara]

She never chose you. Not in 2013, not in 2014, not when you visited her, not when you supported her through her problems, not when she dated other guys, and definitely not now. You weren’t “the one who will win in the end.” You were the guy she kept around because you made her feel validated when she was bored, sad, or lonely. The moment she had other options, she checked out.

Stop thinking you’re in a “long-term friendzone.” You’re in a self-inflicted delusion where you keep hoping she’ll wake up one day and suddenly see you as the love of her life. She won’t. The spark isn’t gone it was never mutual. You built the entire story in your head while she lived her life and moved on.

Visiting her would be pathetic. Texting her more will make you look desperate. Trying to “lay groundwork” for a future shot is just code for wasting more years chasing someone who doesn’t want you. The only move that gives you dignity is stepping back completely. Cut the emotional umbilical cord. Stop being available. Stop feeding a dynamic that only drains you.
You weren’t special to her you were convenient. Accept it, walk away, and put that energy into someone who actually chooses you.

[Sally]

You have carried this hope, and I know how hard it is to accept that the energy between you two just is not what it used to be. But from everything you wrote, it does not sound like some mystery you need to solve. It sounds like she moved on emotionally a while ago, and you are still holding onto the version of her you knew years back.

People do not stay the same forever. That spark you are chasing lived in a moment that is gone now. And the harder you try to get it back, the more you are going to feel her pulling away.
Visiting her will not fix it. Texting more will not fix it. And sitting around biding your time will only keep you stuck in a story she is not in anymore.

Let the friendship breathe. Stop trying to shape it into something it is not. If anything ever happens, it will be because she moves toward you, not because you waited long enough.
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is stop chasing the past.

[Natalie Noah]

The mix of nostalgia, longing, and frustration you’re carrying. You’ve built a deep, years-long connection with her, and it’s understandable why you’ve held onto the hope that you might eventually cross that line from friendship to romance. But the reality now is that the spark you once felt is fading, and that’s because the dynamic has been static for too long friendly, safe, and comfortable, but not romantic. When someone drifts into autopilot in a friendship, the chemistry can fade, and the opportunity to be seen as a potential partner slips away. You can’t rely on history or old sparks to carry you forward; you have to actively recreate that attraction.

The approach here has to be strategic and bold. If you’re serious about laying the groundwork for a romantic connection, you need to step out of the friend zone and be intentional about it. Visiting her in Ireland is not just about proximity it’s about showing that you’re willing to invest in this connection, to be present, and to show her who you are as a potential partner, not just a friend. When you’re together, dial up the charm, the flirtation, and the romance. Compliments, light physical touch, playful banter, and shared adventures all signal that you’re thinking about her differently than you’ve done as a friend. You want her to feel that excitement and attraction again. the “spark” she once had with you and that requires action and presence, not just words over text or gifts from afar.

At the same time, you need to be conscious of pacing. Overtexting, over-investing, or coming across as desperate will backfire. Let her see that you’re confident, independent, and attractive someone whose presence enhances her life, rather than someone seeking validation. Build anticipation in the interactions you do have, and balance attention with space. The key is to show her that you’re not just the guy she talks to when she’s bored or stressed, but the guy who could sweep her off her feet who is exciting, supportive, and a little irresistible. If you can create that energy consistently, the possibility for a deeper, romantic connection grows naturally.

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