[Loveandbliss]

Dear Ms. April,
I hope you are having a great day. I’m sure you will be able to help me. Ever since we were in fifth grade, we gave signs to one another that we are really into one another. That feeling had been on and off. In 9th grade we used to have a little talk with our common classmates since the setting plan was on our favor. Now we are seniors very shy to approach one another. I see him talk to other girls but honestly, they had to initiate conversations and initiate friendships. He once told my friend that he is shy. I’m sooo shy too. No one is starting the first move. I once called him ‘by mistake’ I told him it was just a mistake. He was polite and gentle. One of my friends once told me that he looks at me and smiles while I laugh with my friends. Is he trying to manipulate me? Or is he waiting for me to take the first step? Should I take the first step and how? I wrote him a letter but I don’t think I can give it to him due to my extreme shyness. My heart goes wild and my lips don’t if i think about speaking to him. I forgot to mention that he tries to get close to me by befriending my guy friends. The only sign we give one another is eye contact. Thank you in advance Ms. April. I’m sure you will be able to help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you wrote this in your pre-posting questionnaire:

[quote]We are a highly conservative family that does not allow neither me nor my brother to be in any relationship with the opposite gender until engagement. Our religion is Islam and we are kind of religious people yet not highly religious. The guy I really like and I are extremely shy with one another yet very social with other people.
[/quote]

I think it’s important for you to decide if you’re going to abide by your family upbringing or strike out beyond it. Since your family doesn’t encourage relationships before marital engagement, if you want to stick with that, then I think you should focus on your studies. If you want to strike out on your own then the way to let him know you like him is to flirt with him. If he wants to date you, he will — with the encouragement of flirting… but it sounds like the bigger issue you have is whether or not you want to adhere to your cultural mores or not.

I hope that helps! 🙂

[Sally]

Nothing about this sounds like manipulation. It sounds like two shy people who’ve liked each other for a long time and are both waiting for the other to blink first.
Eye contact, smiling, finding ways to be near you through your friends that’s interest. Shy interest, but still interest. If he were playing games, you’d feel confused in a sharper way. This feels soft, not sneaky.

Here’s the honest part: if neither of you makes a move, this will probably stay exactly where it is until graduation passes and the chance fades. Not because the feeling wasn’t real, but because fear won.

You don’t have to pour your heart out. Just say hi. Or ask him something small. Even a smile and a simple comment is enough to open the door.
Being brave doesn’t mean not shaking. It just means doing it anyway.

[Tara]

Nothing is happening because neither of you dares to act. This isn’t romance. It’s paralysis.
You’ve spent literal years exchanging eye contact like it’s a personality trait. That’s not a “sign.” That’s two scared people hiding behind fantasy because fantasy doesn’t risk rejection. Real life does.

No, he’s not manipulating you. That idea is ridiculous. Manipulation requires intent, and he has neither. He’s shy, passive, and waiting just like you are. And while you both wait, life keeps moving, and other people step in because they’re not frozen.

Calling him “by mistake” and then lying about it was weak. Writing a letter and never giving it is pointless. Watching him smile from across the room is nothing. Eye contact is not an effort. Shyness is not a virtue; it’s avoidance.

If neither of you ever makes a move, this will end exactly how it’s been going, with regret and a story you tell yourself about “what could have been.” That’s the default outcome for people who don’t act.

You should take the first step. Because clearly no one else will. And it doesn’t need to be dramatic. One sentence. “Hey, I like you. Want to talk sometime?” If you can’t say that, then accept that you’re choosing safety over possibility and stop romanticizing it.

[Member]

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