[Shadowdusk]

My love life is a kind of a mess…
I’m nearly 18 years old and I am right about to go to university next year which means studying and getting good grades are a crucial facts for me.
The problem is I have zero concentration. I just broke up with my boyfriend after meeting him (from an online relationship).
He was incredibly sweet and in fact too sweet at times it made me sick but he was kind of the ultimate guy every girl wants- minus his job finding issues that prevented him from moving to where I am.

Now I am single and maybe not craving to be 100% committed but I flirt a lot and guys I flirt with are either taken(but they still flirt back- a few didnt even tell me they’re in relationships) or they’re unreachable. As in they’re either too far, way older, or other reasons.
I feel empty sometimes like I need to fill my emptiness somehow. My friends have mostly moved away and the ones here aren’t that close to talk to. I feel like I need to do something with my life soon ..

Help please?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like your break up isn’t the problem. Since you said you broke up with your online boyfriend shortly after you met him, that’s different than a real relationship break up. 😯 I’m not sure how long you’d been connecting with him online, but one meeting and then a break up is more like having a first date and realizing you don’t want a second one!

Your difficulty concentrating on your senior year studies is the real problem here. And it seems that this impatience is also why you connected with a man online instead of in real life, and stayed connected with him there for too long before meeting. Concentration takes discipline and this is a very valuable tool to cultivate for school — and dating!

My advice is to try being uncomfortable. I know that sounds crazy, but just because you feel lonely or empty, doesn’t mean you should necessarily try to fix the feeling. Sometimes feeling uncomfortable is important so you can get through it and figure out why you’re uncomfortable. I have a feeling you try to fix your feelings instead of analyzing them so you can figure out what’s REALLY going on! 😉

Try just being single and working on yourself. Give yourself some goals — like getting a 4.0 GPA or volunteering for a political or charitable group that’s important to you. Start working on your college applications and give yourself a makeover! The irony is that when you start working on yourself, without even trying, you automatically attract great men.

Let me know if this helps, and how things go. And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Shadowdusk]

With my break up the main problem was that I was working on myself to move to his country but suddenly my parents come and say youre staying here till you die or at least till we allow you (and where I am there isn’t such thing as the whole you can do anything you want at 18/21 )
And he decided to move here which is impossible because the line of jobs he has doesn’t work with good income here and he has to learn a completely different language. And even if he wants to shift things he should study for four years in a university here – in another language to be able to role some dough in.
That’s how we broke up. We were friends for 3 months , together for a year and we met in real life he came to my place and stayed for like 3weeks I think.

Another reason that I was indeed a little ashamed to mention about online dating is that in real life those great men you mentioned around me are 90% looking ONLY for sex. I updated my Facebook profile to something a little revealing just because I look good in it, like a staplress dress , and here comes the shower of messages. Hey are you single ? Do you date? Same goes at parties I am kind of sick of men who want to jump up several stairs at once. It’s not like I am ever going to kiss, and sleep on the first date.

That’s why I leaned to online relationships and also because it’s easier for someone who has an online job.
But you’re right I should try to focus on my studies at some point I currently have a schedule of studying 6 hours a day I may not be able to start with the 6 At once but I can start to raise the hours.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating is hard work, but you shouldn’t shy away from it. Most things with a big pay off require hard work. 😉 Since you’re committed to living in your country, my advice is not to date men who live anywhere else. Stay focused and develop goals that will enhance our life. Studying, dating locally and finding a man who is interested in you for you — not just for sex. 😀

[Member]

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